Update Time!

I really don’t want to do this....do I have to face tomorrow? *ugh*

Sorry, everyone....I've not been in the best of moods, lately. Tomorrow was supposed to be a special day; not that I was going to celebrate it, but knowing that I can't vs not wanting to, is different. Tomorrow would have been mine and my late husband’s anniversary. Having been estranged from him, for our anniversary, last year, it would have been no big deal to treat this one like it was just another day, same as last time. But, knowing that he’s gone....I find myself wishing I could celebrate it; or just talk to him.

So, here I go again, with the sadness and anger stages of grieving. To be honest, I feel like blowing up at someone (or hitting them), just to feel some kind of release. I don’t like feeling this way...I’m generally a very mild-mannered and loving person! So, feeling this way is very uncomfortable to me....but, I don’t know what to do with it!

I even noticed, yesterday, that I had been grazing on cheese corn. I only wanted a little bit of it...just a couple handfuls; but, I ended up eating much more than I should have. It’s an old habit of mine; I was an emotional eater, for the longest time. Back in the day, any time life got a little difficult I’d reach for whatever junk food I could get, and stuff my face, until I felt better. I can’t let myself do that, anymore!!

I think one of the biggest issues I’m facing is the fact that regardless of what had broken us up, through the years, we always found our way back to each other, eventually; he and I had been “on again, off again” for 24 years. And now that he’s dead, I have to get to the point where I’m at peace with the fact that that’s not going to happen, anymore.

Father God, please help me deal with this pain...I honestly don’t want to feel this way, anymore!!

~~~~~

In other, happier, news....

My youngest daughter will be turning 21, on Saturday; we’re both very excited about that! And, not only is my granddaughter crawling, now; she has her first two teeth...the bottom front teeth have come in!! I’m a very proud Mamma and Grammy!

I love how baby girl is gnawing on my Bolthouse Farms drink bottle!
We tried to get her to put it down, but she refused to give it up! LOL!

Oh, I've also joined a fitness club, called Forever Fitness 24. I started last week, with the goal of becoming strong enough to stand for 2 hrs or more, because I’m going to see Def Leppard in August. I've been a fan of theirs for a very, very long time, and have never seen them, live; I want to enjoy the show!! Secondary goal...I’d like to be able to lose 50 lbs by then, as well....new wardrobe!! LOL!

I’ll also be taking Yoga and Zumba classes, as soon as I’m able to move a little more fluidly. Here are some of the machines I’m concentrating on....

The only CRUNCH I can handle!!

I swear, I could sit at this machine all day....I love it!!

Not looking for serious muscle...just want my arms
firm and toned.

Another one of my favorite machines!

Is it a press...or a row?? Either/or, it's working my shoulders!!

I sit this way, and turn around facing out, to do this
behind my neck, as well!

This is a LOT harder than it looks!! LOL!

My Oncologist is happy with my new fitness routine, and he said the exercise will help lower my blood pressure....it’s been a bit high, for a while now, and we’re both a bit concerned about that! I told him I refuse to take blood pressure medications, because I don’t want to be dependent on a prescription drug, for the rest of my life. He reluctantly ok’d that decision! LOL!!

There are much more healthy ways to lower blood pressure, and I intend to utilize those methods to keep mine in check.

• I don’t smoke....I don’t drink alcohol, either.
• I've changed a lot about my diet, in recent years (looking into changing it a bit more)
• I've begun a fitness routine
• I take supplements
• I don’t drink coffee that often (I prefer tea)
• I’ll be signing up for Yoga, soon (meditation and deep breathing are good measures to take in lowering your blood pressure)
• I don’t have the stress of a job at this time
• and I love listening to music!

I’m sure I’ll be just fine, without any medication! And, I’m researching natural ways to combat the blues, as well, so depression doesn't take control of me...because I truly don’t want to feel this sad and lonely, anymore!!

Stay healthy, and happy....and have a blessed day!! oxoxox