Update Time!

I really don’t want to do this....do I have to face tomorrow? *ugh*

Sorry, everyone....I've not been in the best of moods, lately. Tomorrow was supposed to be a special day; not that I was going to celebrate it, but knowing that I can't vs not wanting to, is different. Tomorrow would have been mine and my late husband’s anniversary. Having been estranged from him, for our anniversary, last year, it would have been no big deal to treat this one like it was just another day, same as last time. But, knowing that he’s gone....I find myself wishing I could celebrate it; or just talk to him.

So, here I go again, with the sadness and anger stages of grieving. To be honest, I feel like blowing up at someone (or hitting them), just to feel some kind of release. I don’t like feeling this way...I’m generally a very mild-mannered and loving person! So, feeling this way is very uncomfortable to me....but, I don’t know what to do with it!

I even noticed, yesterday, that I had been grazing on cheese corn. I only wanted a little bit of it...just a couple handfuls; but, I ended up eating much more than I should have. It’s an old habit of mine; I was an emotional eater, for the longest time. Back in the day, any time life got a little difficult I’d reach for whatever junk food I could get, and stuff my face, until I felt better. I can’t let myself do that, anymore!!

I think one of the biggest issues I’m facing is the fact that regardless of what had broken us up, through the years, we always found our way back to each other, eventually; he and I had been “on again, off again” for 24 years. And now that he’s dead, I have to get to the point where I’m at peace with the fact that that’s not going to happen, anymore.

Father God, please help me deal with this pain...I honestly don’t want to feel this way, anymore!!

~~~~~

In other, happier, news....

My youngest daughter will be turning 21, on Saturday; we’re both very excited about that! And, not only is my granddaughter crawling, now; she has her first two teeth...the bottom front teeth have come in!! I’m a very proud Mamma and Grammy!

I love how baby girl is gnawing on my Bolthouse Farms drink bottle!
We tried to get her to put it down, but she refused to give it up! LOL!

Oh, I've also joined a fitness club, called Forever Fitness 24. I started last week, with the goal of becoming strong enough to stand for 2 hrs or more, because I’m going to see Def Leppard in August. I've been a fan of theirs for a very, very long time, and have never seen them, live; I want to enjoy the show!! Secondary goal...I’d like to be able to lose 50 lbs by then, as well....new wardrobe!! LOL!

I’ll also be taking Yoga and Zumba classes, as soon as I’m able to move a little more fluidly. Here are some of the machines I’m concentrating on....

The only CRUNCH I can handle!!

I swear, I could sit at this machine all day....I love it!!

Not looking for serious muscle...just want my arms
firm and toned.

Another one of my favorite machines!

Is it a press...or a row?? Either/or, it's working my shoulders!!

I sit this way, and turn around facing out, to do this
behind my neck, as well!

This is a LOT harder than it looks!! LOL!

My Oncologist is happy with my new fitness routine, and he said the exercise will help lower my blood pressure....it’s been a bit high, for a while now, and we’re both a bit concerned about that! I told him I refuse to take blood pressure medications, because I don’t want to be dependent on a prescription drug, for the rest of my life. He reluctantly ok’d that decision! LOL!!

There are much more healthy ways to lower blood pressure, and I intend to utilize those methods to keep mine in check.

• I don’t smoke....I don’t drink alcohol, either.
• I've changed a lot about my diet, in recent years (looking into changing it a bit more)
• I've begun a fitness routine
• I take supplements
• I don’t drink coffee that often (I prefer tea)
• I’ll be signing up for Yoga, soon (meditation and deep breathing are good measures to take in lowering your blood pressure)
• I don’t have the stress of a job at this time
• and I love listening to music!

I’m sure I’ll be just fine, without any medication! And, I’m researching natural ways to combat the blues, as well, so depression doesn't take control of me...because I truly don’t want to feel this sad and lonely, anymore!!

Stay healthy, and happy....and have a blessed day!! oxoxox

Don't Worry, Be Happy (Part 2)

A few weeks ago, I wrote a Blog about what worrying does to your health; I was planning to touch on that subject a bit more. However, I'm getting the feeling I should take this in another direction...so I will! LOL! You can read that Blog, here.

The other day, some of my new friends blessed me by telling me I was an inspiration...one of them specifically said it was because I can keep a positive attitude, even at a low point.

I just want you all to know how honored I am that you are a part of my journey! I may have only met you a short time ago, but I consider you all very good friends; and I'm thankful, and I bless God, for having you in my life! LOL!

I don't know why/how I'm able to stay so up-beat, except to say it is by the grace of God. I've had some pretty low points, these past 8 months...the first one being the day my Oncologist told me I was going to die from Stage 4 Breast Cancer. Instead of bursting into tears, as would've been the expected reaction, I looked at him and calmly stated "No, I won't." I'm only in my early 40s....dying is not on my Bucket List! LOL!

And throughout my time with Physical Therapy, I got frustrated with my newly disabled body (quite a number of times) because I couldn't do specific things that I was able to do, before the surgery. I couldn't walk, I was hooked up to a catheter for days before I was able to get out of bed to use the bedside commode; I couldn't even lift a 4-lb dumbbell over my head! I never realized just how much was impossible, or phenomenally difficult to do, until I had the experience, first hand!

Learning to walk again was frustrating, all by itself...I've been walking since I was toddler! I know I can do it, so why was it so hard, now?? I guess that's one of the reasons they call it "major surgery"; not only did they remove a part of my spinal column, but my body was thrown into shock, and I had to re-establish myself, as a capable human being.

I spent more time in one of these, than I cared to; but I was thankful to have one!

As I progressed in my healing, the hospital staff and the staff at the rehab center were all completely amazed at how quickly I was getting along. Apparently, I wasn't supposed to be able to do as much as I showed them I could do! LOL! And everyone enjoyed my infectiously good mood! Even on my bad days, I took it all in stride; everyone's going to have a bad day, now and then. What you do with it, is what counts the most!

Even my Physical Therapist was amazed at my progress; the day I walked for a solid 20 minutes, on the treadmill, she beamed at me and said "you are awesome...good job!" I still have a long way to go...but I've definitely come a long way, in this short time!

Now, I could easily focus on everything I've gone through, and lost, these past few months (I've been diagnosed with a terminal illness, my husband left me, I'm homeless, I have no job, I have nothing to leave my kids when I die, I'm disabled, etc) But I've learned to focus on what's right, in my life, rather than what's wrong.

Here's a small list of what I choose to focus on, and be thankful for...

• My senses work; I can see, taste, touch, hear and smell
• My nerve endings work; and they keep me mindful of what I've done to myself! LOL!!
• I can breathe...I'm alive!
• I can smile, cry, laugh, etc.
• I am fearfully and wonderfully made! (Psalm 139:14)
• I have a roof over my head, clothes on my body and food in my belly! (thanks to my sister!)
• I have a bed to sleep in! (thanks to my sister!)
• I have friends and family members who love me, and are standing by me as I fight!

Every day I wake up, is another day to be thankful for what I have, instead of being focused on what's wrong. I am determined to live, folks; and I am determined to stay upbeat and positive, regardless of where life takes me! I will fight for my life for as long as I can; and, with God's grace, I will complete my Bucket List in its entirety. My life is in God's hands, and He's got plans for me!

Oh...and I have something else to add to my Bucket List. I'm going to be a first-time Grandma, this July; my youngest daughter is due July 25th! So, I added "Become the World's Greatest Grammy" to my list! LOL! Life is good!!

Here's the video that started my whole philosophy...

Have a blessed day! oxoxox

Don't Worry...Be Happy!

When I was first diagnosed, I seemed to have been the only person who was taking the news in stride...everyone else was flipping out about it. I totally understand why they did, but I'm not quite sure why I didn't. I'm still the only one in my circle who's attitude toward my diagnosis is "meh..."; I simply don't believe in worrying about it.

The Bible says we should not worry about anything; and pray about everything, with a thankful heart (Philippians 4:6). Jesus, Himself, asked if we thought worrying could prolong our lives (Matthew 6:27). Honestly, it can do the exact opposite.

Too much worry can cause a number of health concerns, such as heart disease, gastrointestinal issues, and accelerated aging, to name a few. Dr. Mercola says, "Most people fail to realize that you typically will manifest whatever you focus your attention on. If you are constantly worrying you will tend to have a self-fulfilling prophecy and experience the target of your concern through the very process of worrying about it."

However, there are several techniques we can use to relieve stress, so we're not worrying too much. Click on this link, to learn about one of them. Also, The Mayo Clinic has a wonderful article on stress management; I encourage you to read that, as well.

Another piece of advice the Bible gives, is found in Philippians 4:8..."And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." If we practice following this piece of advice, we won't have any time to worry! LOL!!

Have a great evening! oxoxox

It's been a while!

Sorry about that, folks...I've been a little focused on life, and haven't taken the time to blog, for a while.

Since my last Blog, I've transitioned from regular Physical Therapy, to a program called Phase II. I'm still doing the same exercises, same routine, but I'm doing it all on my own!! I no longer have a Physical Therapist! She did tell me that if I needed her, she'd be there to help me...I even asked her to "introduce me" to one of the machines I wasn't too familiar with, yet! LOL!! This is kind of what it looks like...

My reps and my weights are increasing, on all my weight bearing exercises.....and I FINALLY walked for a solid 20 minutes, on the treadmill (my speed is at 1.5)!! Super excited about that!! I almost felt like dancing, when I saw the treadmill's timer said I was approaching the 20 minute mark! LOL!!

This bird's got the right idea!! LOL!!

My hair is still very short, too...it seems to be growing slowly, at about 1/2 an inch per month. Not complaining, though...I don't mind the short do, at all! I'm merely stating this because prior to chemo, my hair grew pretty quickly, and now it's not growing all that fast. I was told there would be changes, after chemo....there are a lot of differences, now...I'm a whole new person!

Since my diet changed (clean eating now), I've noticed when I do indulge in something not-so-good, my body can't handle it, anymore. The other day, I ate a serving of canned chicken and dumplings, and within about 45 minutes I began to feel sluggish; then my stomach began to bother me. It was not nice, at all!

Let me tell you about what I eat, now....

I'm now known as a flexitarian; I eat mostly fresh fruits, fresh veggies, nuts, seeds, legumes, and whole grains; I also eat real cheese and real butter, and meat/eggs on occasion. Very rarely do I venture into the aisles, because that's where all the processed foods are located.

When I eat meat (beef, pork, chicken, etc) I make sure the package says "no hormones" and "no antibiotics". Some of the meats I've been purchasing also say "grass fed". The eggs I buy come from free-range chickens. And I've recently switched to almond milk, rather than cow's milk. Getting healthy, and staying healthy!!

When I do brave the aisles in the middle of the store, it's to get things like Couscous, whole grain pasta, organic sauces, multi-grain bread, brown rice, tapioca, organic soup, specific herbs and spices, and extra virgin olive oil.

Goodness...all this talk about food is making me hungry! LOL!! I think I'll fix some whole grain pasta, with organic pasta sauce, and a nice salad! Thanks for stopping by...have a great evening!