Cancer Fighter Update

I saw my new Oncologist, today, and we discussed the labs from the blood work I had done, during my last appointment.

Cancer has reared its ugly head, once again. I wasn't able to do the scans, because the pain in my back was too intense; but she says, thanks to the blood work, she noticed my cancer markers are elevated; and that's a clear indicator that I'm in for another battle.

She ordered some targeted therapy drugs for me; a drug called Femara is one of them. She also wrote up a new Rx for Tramadol, so I won't be in so much pain, anymore. As for the scans, we rescheduled them, and I'm going to be under the influence of Diazepam, for that appointment. She tried to get them to agree to completely sedate me, but they're not having it; so "Plan B" is to take a tranquilizer....along with my pain meds, and muscle relaxer, right before I do the scans.

I'm praying that this time works....otherwise they'll have to sedate me. She NEEDS the scans to form a battle plan!

She also said my iron was a tad low, but it's nothing to be concerned about.

So...the cat's out of the bag, so to speak; I now know why I've been in so much pain, and have had difficulty moving around, these last few months.

Time to kick cancer's butt, again!! I WILL be cancer free, in Jesus' name, because the Bible says I'm already healed!! And I'm still holding God to his promise that this disease will not end in death.

I've got a life to live....and I intend to do exactly that!! God bless you all, for being part of my story! I can't tell you how much I appreciate each and every one of you!!

Let the battle begin.....

Indeed it did...I will never give up, or give in!!

Stardate 92610.14 (geek moment)

For those of you who are not familiar with all things Star Trek, I’ll translate the Stardate for you....today is January 3, 2015; and I woke up at 6:42am. I’m geeking out, only because I woke up!!!

Let me explain....

The day I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer, my doctor also said, “So...this is what you’ll die from.” I defied is claim; but later learned that, statistically speaking, the average survival rate is 2½ years. My loves.....that’s today; as of this day, it’s been 2½ years since I was diagnosed!!

AND I’M STILL ALIVE!!!

I’m in tears, as I praise God for the privilege of being alive, to share this with you. As many of you know, while I was in the hospital, having been newly diagnosed, my oldest daughter prayed for my healing. As she was praying, she was led to read John11:3-4 from her Bible. And I've been hanging onto that promise, every day.

According to the American Cancer Society,  the 5-year survival rate for Metastatic Breast Cancer (Stage 4) is 22%. I was never given an “expiration date”, so I fully intend to be one of those who survives well beyond the first 5 years. Bring it on!! LOL!

Another one of my favorite Bible verses is, Psalm 118:24; I will, indeed, rejoice in this day! Rejoice with me, my loves....it’s a new day, and we’re alive and well!

I hope you have a stellar day, today!!

HAPPY 2015!! New Year....new Blog post!!

Hi, again! My loves, I realize that it’s been several months since my last blog entry...I’m terribly sorry; I developed a severe case of writer's block, and could not pull out of it! As I’m writing this, it’s 4:07am (EST), New Year's Day.

On with the updates! I finally moved out of my sister and brother-in-law’s house....I have a tiny apartment in Knoxville, TN, now! Here are a few pictures...

Yes, my kitchen really IS that small! LOL! It’s perfect, though....just the right size for me! I've met some of my neighbors, and they seem to be pretty decent folks. My oldest daughter took me on a tour of Knoxville, a few days before I headed to Atlanta, GA to spend Christmas and New Year’s with my youngest daughter and granddaughter; I've been having such a great time, with them....I'm planning on staying most of this month.

As many of you know, I had a recurrence, mid-year, last year. I believe it’s gone, again; but, I won’t know for sure, until I line up a new set of doctors, when I get back to Knoxville. My new Oncologist will need to run tests, to see what needs to be done, if anything. As of right now, I’m going to believe that I am cancer free, once again!

I moved on December 17, 2014, after my last course of chemo was done. Coincidentally, my new adventure began, the day the last Hobbit movie was released in theaters, world-wide! I've always said I’m a Hobbit at heart, so now I have a timeline to prove it! LOL!!

This is where my life, truly begins....it’s just me, myself and I, now. For the first time, in my life, I’m on my own! No one to keep an itinerary for; no one to keep mine for me, either. No one to hold me accountable, except me; it’s time to go next level!! I’m truly excited to see what God has in store for me, this year!

At this moment (4:20am EST) I seem to be running out of steam....I've only had 3 hours of sleep, tonight. Y’all won’t mind if I stop here, and get some more rest, would you? I’ll pick up again, when I get up, later! Good night!

7:54am – Ok....that’s better! Good morning, my loves!

Now, back to my blog. Getting better acquainted with my granddaughter has been such a joy; she felt comfortable with me, soon after I got here (Christmas Day) and has been steadily warming up to me, more and more, each day. Last night, we had a breakthrough moment!

Whenever she gets scolded for doing something she’s not supposed to do, she apologizes with a kiss; she doesn't quite have the vocabulary skills, to verbally apologize, yet. I've been allowing her to carry my cell phone around, and push the buttons (she likes technology); she can’t call anyone, because the keypad is locked, so I let her play with it. Well, last night, she threw it behind the bed. She’s being taught that there are things you’re allowed to throw, and things you’re not allowed to throw....cell phones are not to be thrown.

Mommy scolded her for throwing Grammy’s cell phone, and Alice went to give Mommy a kiss, to apologize; Mommy told her to apologize to me, instead, and brought her to me. I looked her square in the face, told her that what she did to my phone was not nice.....and she kissed me! It was magical!!

Alice likes to play a variation of hide-and-seek; she gets behind Mommy, in her blind spot, and Mommy says, “Where’s da baby?” Alice’s response to that question is to step out from behind Mommy with a big smile on her face....and Mommy is glad to see her (“There you are!!”)  She has included me in the game, now....while she’s hiding behind Mommy, she’ll peek around and look at me, as if to ask if she’s doing it right. I love it!! It’s fun to trick Mommy! LOL!!

"There you are!!" (sorry for the blur!)

This little person is too smart, for her own good, too! She can talk....she just doesn't; Mommy says Alice’s Daddy was like that, when he was a baby, too. One day, she’ll decide it’s time to speak her mind...until then, she communicates in other ways. She knows how to share things she has possession of, as well; she hands them to you, if she wants to share them. She can high-five, and fist bump, too; it’s hysterical! And, I love watching her make decisions...the look on her face is just precious.

Alice even likes to tease me....I call out her name (“Aaaaalice!”), and she answers back, “mmh-mmh” (translation – “no I’m not!”) She thinks she’s very clever, when she teases me, like that! We both get a kick out of it, too! LOL!!

When I get back to my apartment, I’m going to get a proper ID, sign up for assistance (Medicaid and Food Stamps) and get the ball rolling on my new medical team. I’m also planning on joining the YMCA, and looking into vegetarian meet-up groups, so I can get acquainted with like-minded people. Which means I'll have more content for the Blog!

For now, I'm enjoying spending time with my family. I hope you're having an enjoyable day, as well!! God bless you, all!

Update Time!

I really don’t want to do this....do I have to face tomorrow? *ugh*

Sorry, everyone....I've not been in the best of moods, lately. Tomorrow was supposed to be a special day; not that I was going to celebrate it, but knowing that I can't vs not wanting to, is different. Tomorrow would have been mine and my late husband’s anniversary. Having been estranged from him, for our anniversary, last year, it would have been no big deal to treat this one like it was just another day, same as last time. But, knowing that he’s gone....I find myself wishing I could celebrate it; or just talk to him.

So, here I go again, with the sadness and anger stages of grieving. To be honest, I feel like blowing up at someone (or hitting them), just to feel some kind of release. I don’t like feeling this way...I’m generally a very mild-mannered and loving person! So, feeling this way is very uncomfortable to me....but, I don’t know what to do with it!

I even noticed, yesterday, that I had been grazing on cheese corn. I only wanted a little bit of it...just a couple handfuls; but, I ended up eating much more than I should have. It’s an old habit of mine; I was an emotional eater, for the longest time. Back in the day, any time life got a little difficult I’d reach for whatever junk food I could get, and stuff my face, until I felt better. I can’t let myself do that, anymore!!

I think one of the biggest issues I’m facing is the fact that regardless of what had broken us up, through the years, we always found our way back to each other, eventually; he and I had been “on again, off again” for 24 years. And now that he’s dead, I have to get to the point where I’m at peace with the fact that that’s not going to happen, anymore.

Father God, please help me deal with this pain...I honestly don’t want to feel this way, anymore!!

~~~~~

In other, happier, news....

My youngest daughter will be turning 21, on Saturday; we’re both very excited about that! And, not only is my granddaughter crawling, now; she has her first two teeth...the bottom front teeth have come in!! I’m a very proud Mamma and Grammy!

I love how baby girl is gnawing on my Bolthouse Farms drink bottle!
We tried to get her to put it down, but she refused to give it up! LOL!

Oh, I've also joined a fitness club, called Forever Fitness 24. I started last week, with the goal of becoming strong enough to stand for 2 hrs or more, because I’m going to see Def Leppard in August. I've been a fan of theirs for a very, very long time, and have never seen them, live; I want to enjoy the show!! Secondary goal...I’d like to be able to lose 50 lbs by then, as well....new wardrobe!! LOL!

I’ll also be taking Yoga and Zumba classes, as soon as I’m able to move a little more fluidly. Here are some of the machines I’m concentrating on....

The only CRUNCH I can handle!!

I swear, I could sit at this machine all day....I love it!!

Not looking for serious muscle...just want my arms
firm and toned.

Another one of my favorite machines!

Is it a press...or a row?? Either/or, it's working my shoulders!!

I sit this way, and turn around facing out, to do this
behind my neck, as well!

This is a LOT harder than it looks!! LOL!

My Oncologist is happy with my new fitness routine, and he said the exercise will help lower my blood pressure....it’s been a bit high, for a while now, and we’re both a bit concerned about that! I told him I refuse to take blood pressure medications, because I don’t want to be dependent on a prescription drug, for the rest of my life. He reluctantly ok’d that decision! LOL!!

There are much more healthy ways to lower blood pressure, and I intend to utilize those methods to keep mine in check.

• I don’t smoke....I don’t drink alcohol, either.
• I've changed a lot about my diet, in recent years (looking into changing it a bit more)
• I've begun a fitness routine
• I take supplements
• I don’t drink coffee that often (I prefer tea)
• I’ll be signing up for Yoga, soon (meditation and deep breathing are good measures to take in lowering your blood pressure)
• I don’t have the stress of a job at this time
• and I love listening to music!

I’m sure I’ll be just fine, without any medication! And, I’m researching natural ways to combat the blues, as well, so depression doesn't take control of me...because I truly don’t want to feel this sad and lonely, anymore!!

Stay healthy, and happy....and have a blessed day!! oxoxox

The Savvy Survivor - A New Chapter

First, I want to thank all of you for your love, prayers and support, since I announced the death of my estranged husband. It has, truly, meant a lot to me! One of my Twitter fans even said, as an encouragement, that now is the time for me to prove my title...The Savvy Survivor.

Typically, when I hit the emotional wall, like this, I would resort to binge eating, drinking alcohol, or smoking to cope with my nerves. I can’t do either of those, anymore...because they would do more harm, than good. So, I need to find another way to cope with this massive roller coaster of emotions I find myself on, at this time. A niece of mine, whom I’m very close to, suggested I vent in the form of a blog.

So, until I can function, again, as a normal human being, this blog will contain entries full of despair, confusion, grief, and anger, from time to time. Please bear with me, my loves...I pray I can breathe again, soon!

I met James two years out of high school...we had gone to the same high school, but ran with different crowds. The day we officially met, there was a connection almost immediately. And, even back then, we had some obstacles to overcome; he was often times, moody and distant, and I never could figure out why. The reasons he’d give me never made sense.

We broke up more times, during the 24 years we knew each other, than I can count! And, the only breakup that was my idea was the one that led to our divorce, back when our kids were little; the darkness he had allowed himself to get swallowed up by, had caused him to become violent, and I was genuinely afraid for me and the kids. I had no choice, but to leave.

Hardly anyone I know (family and friends), was able to understand why I kept getting back together with him...and our getting re-married blew everyone away! Some people even called me a fool. My family didn't like him, all that much, because of the way he treated me, when the darkness rolled in; what they still don’t understand, is that I knew him well enough to know the “asshole” behavior (pardon my use of terms) wasn't his fault...it wasn't intentional. I may have been the only one who could see that.

What was James' fault, was that he never sought help for this mental disease (I believe he was bipolar). He didn't want to be labeled “crazy”, so he never got tested for depression, or bipolar disorder, or anything of that nature. The only disease he got help for, was diabetes...it was a physical illness, not a mental one.

After we separated, this time, I found myself getting caught up in all the negative energy a few of my family members were sending out; he was being accused of plotting and scheming against me, and I joined in. How else would they see it, when James had convinced me to sign away the remaining child support he owed me, and then we fell apart (again)? I even questioned whether or not he ever loved me, at all....verbally, in an e-mail to him. And now, I wish I could tell him I know the truth; after speaking with a long-time friend of his, I know now, he really did love me. I'm sorry, I couldn't see it, then.

Why is it that we never really know someone, until after they’re gone?? I also found out from a conversation with my youngest daughter after she had contacted James' mother, he only abandoned me, when I told him I was diagnosed with breast cancer, because he didn't believe me...he and I weren't on good terms, at the time. I wish I had known that, then...I would have sent him my medical file.

If I could go back in time, to the day we met, and do it all again...I would. The only thing I would do differently is insist that he get help for his mental distress, and get on medication to control it, once I saw that breaking up had become a habit.

Knowing (now) how much he loved me, I could have shown him some tough love and not taken him back, until he got help....we would have avoided getting divorced, in the first place, if I had insisted back then. I’m sure it would have helped.

When it was good between me and James, it was SOOO good; but, when it was bad...it was just easier to hate each other. The emotional roller coaster he and I had been on, all those years, took its toll on our relationship, in the end. I know he loved me, as much as I loved him; but, the darkness that kept swallowing him up, always managed to build a wall between us. Until now, no matter how many time the darkness came between us, we managed to dig through the wall, and find our way back to each other.

This time, the darkness won.

And now, I find myself experiencing emotions I never knew I had; and ones I don’t want to feel! This morning, on my personal Facebook page, I made this statement, as if I were talking to James...

“It's been a week, since you took your life; and, even though, we weren't speaking to each other, I found a certain sense of peace knowing you were still out there....somewhere....being angry at me. What am I going to do, now??”

I’m lonely, and distressed; I feel empty and incomplete...angry, lost, guilty. And, I’m experiencing all of these emotions, and more, all at the same time; it’s dizzying! I saw a picture of James, from back in high school (senior photo), yesterday, and felt like I got punched in the gut!

I’m trying hard to focus on the good times James and I shared; but then I end up sobbing, hysterically, because the realization hits me...we’ll never have any more good times, together. Right now...I'd settle for an argument!

Father God, please help me get through this!!! Hold me in your arms, and help me to see that I will be alright, some day!!

Life Has Changed

I haven’t posted a blog in a while...I think it’s been longer than a month! Sorry about that! Here’s an update for you...

Last week, I went to Peachtree City, GA, and spent the week with my youngest daughter; I, finally, got to meet my granddaughter!! <3 It was the best week I've ever had...and I've got tons of pictures, too! Last week, I also celebrated my birthday (first birthday, officially cancer free); I’m 44 years old, now! Yay, me!!

Three generations of survivors, there! Breast cancer, a difficult pregnancy, and attempted suicide!

My birthday week was AMAZING!! I loved getting to spend time with my daughter, her boyfriend, and my granddaughter; and the boyfriend’s parents are such great people, too!! They not only picked me up, from the airport; they also dropped me off, when it was time to go home...and hugged me “good bye”! Love them!!

I have more pictures on my Facebook page (The Savvy Survivor)...including pictures of two birthday meals my daughter fixed for me! They were delish!! So was the vegan birthday cake...made from scratch!!

I was there from Monday afternoon, to Friday afternoon. Friday night, I had a strange dream, about my estranged husband (I mentioned him here); I told him he needed to be the husband he promised me he would be....his answer was, “I'm sorry; I can’t”. A few hours after I woke up, Saturday morning, I got told something that has changed my life, forever.

I was told he had taken his own life, Friday evening. Now, I understand why he told me he can’t be the husband he promised he’d be, in my dream. He had struggled with bipolar disorder (un-diagnosed), for quite a number of years; and was diabetic, as well. I’m coping with this, the best I can...we never resolved the issues that split us up. I’m also having a hard time dealing with the fact that he took his life, the day after my birthday.

My youngest daughter, and son, are his children; she's dealing with his death, much the same way I am...and, as of this post, I haven't heard back from my son.

The Bible says murder is a sin (Exodus 20:13), and killing yourself is murder. However, I am choosing to believe that God went to him, at his final breath, and he asked God for forgiveness; if that’s true, he’s in Heaven, waiting for me....and we’ll see each other, again, some day.

I made this, to honor him....

My loves, I am begging you....please don’t consider taking your own life, just because things may seem a bit difficult; suicide is not the answer, it just creates more problems!!

Talk to someone...reach out for help!! It’s there...someone will always be there to help you through the bad times! You're NOT alone!!

Thank you for your love and support; it really means a lot to me! God bless you!! oxoxox

Eye-Opening Wake Up Call!!

Wow....I’m speechless! I just really don’t know what to say, or where to go with this; so, I’ll just start by explaining why I’m unable to think, at this moment.

I watched a video, by The Life Regenerator, last night...and began to feel convicted. He said a lot of stuff about his own journey, and how surrendering and getting real with himself, changed his life; it was a powerful video!

And, while I was in worship, this morning, I realized where that conviction was coming from; I’m not improving my health, and I've begun to make excuses for why I do what I do, again. I know what I need to do, but I don’t do it, consistently; I've gone back to just going through the motions, and not truly holding myself accountable. Lord, empty me of me, so I can be filled with YOU!!

In my revelation, this morning, I realized that everything God had placed in my care is gone.

• My livelihood. I don’t have a job...and I’m medically not allowed to work, anymore. My source of income is a monthly Disability check, now; and it’s not all that big, either.
• My children. I’m having to repair relationships with my three children, because I wasn't the Mother they needed me to be, when I had the chance. Two of these repair jobs are coming along, slowly; but the relationship I have with my son is strained, at best. There’s a wall between us, and I can sense it every time he and I have a conversation.
• My belongings....I used to have a lot of stuff! Yes, God expects us to take care of our material possessions, as well! I don’t have much, now...the bulk of my belongings ended up in a yard sale, held by a niece of mine. What I have now, I've purchased since moving into my sister’s house.
• My health!! I neglected and abused the body He gave me to live in, so much, I almost lost that, too! And, here it is....a year and 6 months after I got diagnosed, and I still struggle with “what’s the convenient thing to do?” I've even heard myself think “I only get xx amount in food stamps; I can’t afford to go vegetarian/vegan!!” Really?? Most of what I eat, is convenience food...the very lifestyle that caused the disease, in the first place! Can I afford to die??

My sister told me, she’s not willing to alter her life to accommodate me...at first that hurt my feelings. My thought was, “I don’t EXPECT her to, but it would be nice!” Who am I kidding?? At this point, I haven’t even altered my own life to accommodate myself!! How can I want someone to do something, I’m not willing to do for myself?

I remember a conversation I had, with my Physical Therapist, a few weeks ago. I was talking to her about The Savvy Survivor Facebook page, and how difficult it is to live that persona; she understood... “You've got all the knowledge, you’re just having trouble putting it into practice!”

Yes...that’s exactly right! I’m still letting my human self dictate what happens, in my life; instead of relying on God’s wisdom, and surrendering to His will! Which seems to be the biggest stumbling block I've encountered, in my life as a Believer!

How is it that I can love God with all my heart, soul and strength...but not with my mind?? My mind is where my excuses come from; that’s where my human self still lives! The Bible says, in Luke10:27, we must “love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.” If I can’t love Him with everything I am (including my mind), I can’t love my neighbor as myself, either. Which means, what I teach you in my Blogs and on Facebook, loses its value...because I’m not the “Savvy Survivor” I should be!

I continue to repent, every time I realize I've screwed up; but, my apologies won’t mean a whole lot, if I keep doing the things I’m apologizing for! I’m so thankful that His mercies are new, every morning...I certainly don’t deserve mercy, but I’m grateful for it!

I don’t want to lose you!! I appreciate your support and encouragement! You've become an intimate part of my support system. But, if I don’t get my head out of my butt, it won’t take long before you won't care what I have to share with you; and I will lose you, as well. If I haven’t, already.

My Pastor once said that God isn't the type to take your income away, just because you decide not to tithe. At the time I heard this, I had just lost a job...shortly after deciding not to tithe; I had used the money for something else. Sorry, Pastor...but if God is the same yesterday, today and forever, He most certain DOES remove the things we don’t care for, properly.

And, I know, some of you are thinking “that’s pretty cruel of Him!” and you’re right....but how many of you lost things your parents gave you, when you were growing up, because you got grounded for breaking the rules?? Same principle, folks! Now, He’s not going to force us to follow the rules; but when we don’t, there are consequences.

God will make us the overseer of quite a bit, while we’re here, on earth...but it doesn't take much for Him to remove those responsibilities from us, when we fail to take them seriously.

I stand (figuratively speaking) before you, a broken and defeated human; but, I'm wide awake, now. I ask you to forgive my hypocrisy, and my failures. This “SavvySurvivor” will become the leader God has commissioned her to be, one way or another!! Please be patient with me, as I humbly begin the journey back to myself. I have a hard battle ahead of me...regaining control of my thoughts; but, if I am to be the person God made me to be, I better get real with myself!

Be on the lookout for changes in me, my loves! The Bible says you know a true Believer by the fruit they bear (Matthew 7:15-20). In other words, I should be living the life I preach about, and showing you the benefits of that lifestyle.

I will keep you informed, as my body and mind line up with what God expects of me. As a Child of the Most High God, it is my responsibility to properly care for the body He gave me to live in, on earth.

And so....it begins. (again)

God, please help me learn this one!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Well, we made it to another year...welcome to 2014, everybody!!

When I woke up, this morning, I had a wonderful thought that started with Revelation 21:5; for those of you who are not very familiar with the Bible, click on the link and you'll see what that reference is about. And, as I watch the sun rise, I also see that it's snowing...very gently, but steady. New Year's snow!

Today marks the first day of the rest of our lives, folks! It is the first page of a 365 page book, that is a story only we can write. Never let anyone else hold the pen, while you write your life story, this year! Take chances...live your dreams!

I'm starting to sound like a Hallmark card! LOL!! My point is, don't let anything stop you from doing what you feel, in your heart, you need to do....whatever is it; now, if it's something dangerous, please be careful doing it. But, if you know you'll regret it, if you don't follow through, then I encourage you to take the bull by the horns, and go for it!!

Live!!

I would love to hear what some of these "go for it" moments will be, as you live out this new year! Please leave a comment and let me know what you have on your heart to do!

One of my "go for it" moments will be to move to Knoxville, TN. If all goes well, and I get everything going in the right direction, I should be celebrating next Christmas in my new place!

Another one, is to become completely vegetarian (possibly vegan), this year. I'm aiming to go with 80% raw, 20% cooked. Because of my 2nd surgery, last summer, I had to continue eating meats, because of their higher quality protein. But, in all my research, I've learned so much about the benefits of raw fruits and veggies, and how to fight cancer naturally; I really feel, in my heart, that this is the direction I should be going in. I'll be saying "good-bye" to chemo, and "hello" to a healthier body!!

I look forward to seeing what plans you have in mind, for yourself, in the New Year!! God bless you; and have a wonderful day!

oxoxox

Merry Christmas!!!

Yes, I know...it's still two weeks away! But, if I don't get another Blog post out, by then, I won't get the chance to wish you a Merry Christmas...so, now is as good a time, as any! LOL!!

I do see that it's "Update Time", so here goes...

• I've lost another 5 lbs (so excited about this!!) I've only got about 65 lbs to go, before I reach my goal!! God is good!
• I went to the Oncologist's office today, for a check up and a chemo treatment. He says he wants me to have one more treatment, and then we'll take a break.
• During this break, he wants to run some tests (MRI, CAT Scan, PET Scan, etc.) to see if this chemo drug is doing it's job. I sure hope he tells me I'm in remission!! I don't wanna do chemo anymore...I wanna be healthy!!
• Still looking for a place to call home, in Knoxville, TN. My sister says that as soon as her hubby finds a job, in Texas, they'll be moving down there. They'll be dropping me off in TN, on their way to TX.
• I, officially, debuted as an Independent Beauty Consultant with Mary Kay, this past Saturday (finally!) I had invited about 10 of my friends, but only two ladies could show up. No worries, though...there will be other parties!! Here's my website, if you want to look around!
• My Physical Therapist has given me more complex exercises to do! I'm getting stronger...praise God!! She also wants me to stand flat on the wall, for 6 seconds (10 times a day) because I'm still slouching, when I walk.

She says, if I don't strengthen my back muscles,
I'll be hunched over, forever!

• Standing flat, against the wall like that, uses muscles that don't want to be used! But, the more I do it, the stronger they'll get...and it won't hurt so much, after a while.
• I'm also practicing walking short distances, without the cane...I'm not doing too bad with that, either!!
• And, I can now fix my own meals, as long as I'm not standing for more than 5 minutes (cereal, soup, toast, re-heating leftovers, etc)...I don't like using the microwave, but it's coming in REAL handy, right now!! LOL!!

I really should have my sister take pictures of my next PT session...that way, you can see my progress! I told her, come Spring, I want to start walking to and from the mailbox, outside.

So, there ya have it! If the muse hits me, I'll be Blogging a Christmas message...if not, I wish you a Merry Christmas (again)!! Love you, all....God bless you!!

oxoxox

Home Sweet Home

Yes, that’s right…I’m finally home, again; I've been home for a week, now!! Thank God!!

And, boy, do I have a blog for you, today!

After surgery, I rehabbed at a place called Pebble Creek, in Akron; it’s only about a 20 minute drive from my sister’s house. I wanted to go back to Edwin Shaw, which is where I rehabbed, last year; but, my insurance company wouldn't cover it. They gave me a ton of grief over a few things, while I was recovering from surgery! I’m seriously considering switching insurance companies (on the Medicaid program, you have the luxury of switching insurance companies)!!

While I was at Pebble Creek, I developed a few health concerns…I spent the better part of those 2 months throwing everything up, having hot flashes, and going through major panic attacks; all of which the house doctor medicated me for, without running any tests to find out why I was experiencing these issues. I kept telling everyone I've never had these issues, before, and it wasn't what it looked like, but (of course) no one would listen. I've never experienced anything like that, before, so I knew something was a bit off…but, since no one would listen to me, nothing was done about it.

I also came down with pneumonia, while I was at Pebble Creek…pneumonia!!! I've never, in all my 40+ years, have ever had to deal with pneumonia; I was only in the hospital for that, for a week, but still!!! And, I’m still recovering from it, too…my lungs aren't quite as strong, now, as they were, before; my sister said the best respiratory therapy for me would be to sing. And, since I like music so much, it’ll be the most fun way to build my lungs back up, too! LOL!!

Now that I’m back home, I've been set up with a Nurse, a Physical Therapist, and an Occupational Therapist, for home care. And, I've got a walker, for around the house; and a wheelchair for shopping, and errands. Every once in a while, I dare the devil and walk a short distance without my walker, but that’s incredibly difficult to do, at this time! My PT says we’re going to have to work a lot on building strength in my legs, so I’m not leaning on my walker so much, when I use it.

Hopefully, I won’t need to use the walker, or the wheelchair, for much longer!

My appetite is getting better, too…slowly. The food at Pebble Creek was atrocious!!  Every meal they made for us was cooked; they hardly gave us any fresh fruits and veggies, at all! And it was all cooked WAY too much…tasteless, soggy, and inedible. It’s no wonder I spent all that time throwing up!

My sister’s been feeding me lots of raw foods (fresh fruits and veggies), and I have eaten a few cooked things; although, the cooked things at home are still making my stomach turn, from time to time. My sister says it’s because my brain has been trained to think that cooked food is gross, because of the two months I spent throwing up at Pebble Creek. I’ll reprogram it, soon!

Oh, and my insurance company! Not only would they not pay for MY choice of rehab facility, they made a decision to discontinue covering my pain medications, after I got back from having pneumonia. See…I was at Pebble Creek, then went to the hospital with pneumonia, then I went back to Pebble Creek. When I got back, my insurance company refused to cover most of my medications; the in-house doctor fought hard for me, too…he convinced them that I NEEDED those medications, and they gave in. Can you blame me for wanting to switch companies??

The plus side of the time I spent at Pebble Creek, is that because I spent all that time throwing up, I actually lost 20 lbs! Not that I would've wanted to lose weight that way, but I can work with it!! LOL!!

Now that I've been home, for a week, I’m slowly getting stronger in a lot of areas; the carpet is difficult to walk on, with my walker, but that’s helping me build up my strength. And, last night, I actually slept in my own bed!! I've been “living in” the recliner, since coming home, because my back still isn't too keen on laying down. But, I positioned my bed so that the head was elevated a little, and slept the whole night! I wasn't going to bother with it, but God spoke to my heart, and encouraged me to try…I’m glad I listened!! LOL!!

And, I've begun another round of chemo…yesterday was my first dose; this time I’m being given Ixempra. I don’t know how long I’ll be doing this round, or what it’s going to do to me, but I should be hearing my doctor tell me “It’s gone!”, early next year!! I’m excited about that!!

Not too thrilled to be doing this, again...but it beats the heck out of dying!!

I also told my Oncologist I was going to wait to move to Knoxville, TN because I wanted to be cancer free when I get down there; that way my new medical team will only have to help me stay healthy, rather than help me fight the disease. He said he liked that idea! Of course, the actual timing of my move is all up to God…I’ll go, when HE says it’s time.

Well, I do hope you have a fantastic day, today! Thanks for keeping up with me! God bless you! oxoxox

I CAN WALK!!

Ok, so…it’s update time; again, sorry it's been so long between Blogs. I bet the title of this Blog caught your attention, didn't it?? LOL!

Let’s back up, just a bit, first. Many of you know, I was admitted back into the hospital, for more surgery (last month). Cancer got aggressive on me, and even surprised my Oncologist; so I am now the proud owner of two cages, and a thoracic/lumbar fusion bar (it has taken the place of my spine, between my rib cage and my hips. Surgery went well, and I spent a few weeks in ICU (mostly because they didn't have a room for me, elsewhere).

I’m in so much pain, with my new and improved body; the surgeon practically gutted me, to do what he needed to do! The staff at the hospital were amazing, as always; they took real good care of me! The healing process will take some time, but this too shall pass!!

Everything’s a learning experience, now…getting in and out of bed is the hardest part. I haven’t quite got used to pushing myself up to a sitting position, while struggling through the pain of movement. But, it’s only been a few weeks, so I’ll just have to give myself permission to struggle. Log rolling is ridiculous!! LOL!

My back is at a point where I can’t lay flat, at this time, because the pain is (once again) unbearable; so, I've made that a goal of mine. I will become strong enough to lay down, flat, in bed. I wish you could've seen the look on my face, when I woke up from surgery, and discovered that I was laying down...in a bed. I was elated!! Just knowing that I could lay down, in bed, was amazing!! LOL!

I've moved into a place called Pebble Creek Nursing and Rehab Center, to recover from surgery and regain some mobility; they hooked me up with Physical, Occupational and Speech Therapy; the Speech Therapy is more for learning how to swallow my food. I was intubated, for surgery, so the muscles in my throat got weak. She’s helping me learn to take baby bites, and has encouraged me to drink after each one; I've also noticed, my appetite has changed! I can’t eat as much as I used to be able to…bonus!! This will, undoubtedly, help me lose weight!

Whatever I do, throughout the day, gets me all sweaty, now…and this is no exaggeration! I can break a sweat, doing my deep breathing exercises! I think I scare the staff, sometimes, with all that. Here, again…you never really know what the body is capable of doing, until you can’t do it, anymore. Last year, I had to re-learn everything, from the start; this time is no exception. I am, literally, re-learning the art of being a human; limitations and all. They’ve got me all set up, though…lots of equipment, and tools to use, to help me out. Stellar staff, here, too!!

And, yes…yesterday, I walked! This whole time, I’ve been struggling to move around, thinking (and starting to believe) that I wasn’t going to be able to move, much, now. God’s been dealing with me on a wide range of emotions, during this part of my journey!

Yesterday, during PT, my coach said, “I’m gonna go get the walker, and we’re gonna take a few steps. Just to see where we’re at.” She joined me in my struggle. As I began to move my feet along the floor, she smiled at me…first two steps, done. I kept going; not paying any attention to anything, except….every time Jesus told a crippled person to get up and walk, they did. I’m not crippled, just temporarily set back.

My Therapist’s face lit up, once she heard me say I needed to sit back down; she had another Therapist walk with us, and bring my wheelchair along. They were both pretty impressed with me! It wasn't me…it was God; the only thing I can take credit for is the praying I do.

God doesn't want me stuck in bed, for the rest of my life. I have things to do, people to see, and a life to live! I have a message to deliver for Him; and I can’t do that, if I can’t get around. Yesterday, I walked about 3 ft.

Today is a brand new day! Enjoy this day, and be blessed!!