Dropping the Bomb

I've been asked by Suzan St. Maur to discuss how I broke the news of my diagnosis to my children. It wasn't easy, but they made it through the initial blow.

All of my children are grown. My oldest daughter is 25 yrs old, married, and living in Alcoa, Tennessee. My son is 22, and lives in Canton, OH. And my youngest daughter is 19, and living in near Atlanta, Georgia (and she's due to give birth to my 1st Grandchild, in July!); although, she was visiting me in Alliance, OH, when I was newly diagnosed.....July 3, 2012.

I was living in Alliance, to help a niece of mine build her new business; she owns a small cafe', and has only been in business for a couple years, now. I lived above the cafe', and helped out in the kitchen and with the customers...I basically did everything she did. It was during this time that my body began to shut down...I lost all feeling from my waist to my knees, and was having difficulty moving around. And boy, was I in PAIN!!

My youngest daughter was visiting me, at this time, and I finally decided it was time to find out what was going on with my body. She helped me get dressed; and then she helped me walk down a flight of steps, and out to the bus stop. The bus driver was great, too...he put the wheelchair lift down for me, so I wouldn't have to walk up the steps to get in! The ride to the local hospital was agony!! When there's something wrong with your back, bus rides and ambulance rides are NO FUN!! LOL!

In the ER, at Alliance Community Hospital, they took x-rays and blood tests (my vitals were good). And, after a while a doctor came in and broke the news...in front of my little girl (I know...19 isn't so little, but still)!! He said he believed it was Multiple Myeloma, because the tumors he saw were attached to my vertebrae. I remained calm, but my poor daughter just about hyperventilated!

Mommy's dying??? No..."relax, honey...it's just a few 'blobs'. The doctor's will know how to get them out of me, and I'll be fine!" I didn't like having to down play what was happening, but she literally looked like she was about to have a heart attack, after the doctor revealed his findings!

I was swept away to Akron General Medical Center, because the hospital in Alliance was not equipped to deal with what I was presumed to have; Akron General has a stellar cancer team, and all the necessary equipment to properly diagnose me! My youngest daughter came with me, to Akron, as well.

More tests...x-rays, CAT Scan, MRI (not fun!), blood work, etc. The Oncologist I was assigned to is a doll (honestly, my whole team was!) He introduced himself to both of us, and talked to both of us about what he discovered; I think my daughter felt better, once she was included in on conversation. He said there were tumors all over my ribs, up and down my spine, and in my hips...but he thinks it's breast cancer. He also told me that my 5th lumbar vertebrae was all but destroyed, so I was going to need surgery to remove it.

I watched her face, as all of this was being explained to us. Her head was spinning, but the look in her eyes was what I focused on the most..."I don't care what you have to do, just don't let my Mommy die!" Watching her world crumble down around her, was harder to handle than being told I had cancer.

After all of this had settled in, she called her sister, and broke the news; my niece (owner of the cafe') told my son...he was staying at her house, at the time. They all came to the hospital to see me, too!

The looks on their faces weren't any more uplifting, than my youngest daughter's. It took me a while to get up the courage to tell everyone to stop looking at me like I'm already dead. I couldn't stand that look in their eyes...not just my children's faces, but my whole family!!

As I discussed things with my older two (two separate occasions) they became more at ease with the whole deal. I told them what the diagnosis was, and what the doctor said my treatment plan would include....surgery, chemo, and possibly radiation. I had very nice visits with all my kids!

The mammogram, and biopsy, confirmed that it was indeed Stage 4 Breast Cancer; I had a massive tumor in my left breast; and tumors of varied sizes in the lymph nodes of my left arm pit, as well as all the way down my spinal column (from my neck to my tailbone), and in my ribs and hips. And, I maintained, (to all three of my children) that they're just 'blobs' and I'll be fine. It's been 8 months, since my diagnosis....they are still just blobs, and they're almost gone!!

My children are all back in their own environments, now. My oldest daughter, while visiting me, not only prayed over me...she also prayed, privately, and received a Word from the Lord that I wasn't going to die (John 11:3-4 NIV); so, every time I update them on my progress, we do the Happy Dance, together; and give God the praise He deserves! LOL!!

My First Blog

Whew! I feel like I'm staring in a Broadway play, and it's opening night! What do I say?? I forgot my lines!! I'm a little nervous....breathe, you can do this!! LOL!!

I've been on an interesting journey, for the past five months...surviving Stage IV Breast Cancer! I've been posting Notes on Facebook, but I've decided I want to take my journey to the public...someone needs to know what I'm facing!! Someone out there is going through something similar, and I'm hoping my struggles and triumphs will help them! So, here we go.....

Let me back up for a minute, and catch you up to speed here....

When I turned 40 (two years ago), my body began to show signs of "decay", if you will. My immune system tanked, and I caught every germ that passed my way (I hadn't been sick in almost a decade, until then); I began to experience aches and pains in places I didn't realize I had, my energy level dropped....and the shape of my left breast began to change. I also noticed it felt different right above my nipple, although I wasn't really adamant about the self-exam routine, so I didn't keep up on it. My feet, ankles and legs began to retain water, as well...which made walking around a bit difficult, sometimes. I had always been told that when you turn 40, your body, and your health, start going "down hill", so I just chalked all of this up to becoming middle-aged.

Within the course of the next two years, I began to lose the ability to walk. My balance was hindered, my mobility was weakened, and my lower back and hips hurt so badly when I tried to push through and force myself to move. I was a mess!! Couldn't stay awake to save my life, became more and more dependent on others for my basic needs, because it hurt too much to get up and do for myself...I needed help!!

I had a couple ER visits in June (2012) that, by way of x-rays and such, discovered something wrong in the lumbar region of my back...further testing and more x-rays, the following month (July 3, 2012) revealed a few tumors climbing up my spine. One of those tumors had all but destroyed my 5th lumbar vertebrae! The initial diagnosis was Multiple Myeloma, and I was sent to another hospital that was better equipped to take care of cancer patients. Cancer????

My youngest daughter was with me, when the first doctor said the word "tumor". I can't flip out...she's doing enough of that for both of us!! I have to stay strong...I have to make this seem like it's not as big of a deal as the doctor's say it is. I tell her, "there just a few blobs, honey...no big deal! I'll be fine!!" But will I be??? Too many questions to number hit my thought process, all at once; it gave me a headache! I have to be ok, my kids still need me!! On to the next hospital!

Final diagnosis, et al, came from the doctors at Akron General Medical Center. They were BRILLIANT!! I love my team of doctors, and I praise God for placing them in my life for such a time as this! Ok...more tests....more x-rays...more questions filling my head. I met so many caring faces, I had to write down most of the names, so I'd remember who it was that was talking to me. My Oncologist was the one who broke the news to me...it was Stage IV Breast Cancer. There is a huge mass in my left breast, and it metastasized into my lymph nodes and down my entire spine. He said, "so, this is what you're going to die from, when you die."....uuuhhhhhh, NOT!! Sorry, Doc, I'm not buying that story!!

I had two Surgeons visit me to discuss the tumors in my spine. I was going to need major surgery, and it looked like they were going to have to remove that vertebrae....it's too far gone to save. I am now the proud owner of a thing called a "cage"; I also found out that I have six lumbar vertebrae...you're only supposed to have five! My fourth and sixth lumbar vertebrae are now fused, by way of this cage the Surgeon placed in me. A few days after surgery, I had my first mammogram, and a biopsy that I got to watch! That was cool!!

To re-gain my mobility, after the surgery, I was moved to Edwin Shaw Rehab Facility...one of Akron General's best facilities for people like me! I only had to stay for a week, before they were confident enough to release me!!

Recovering from major back surgery has been a test of the will, though! My body doesn't like me, anymore, and frequently protests when I push myself to get better, or stronger. Yes...I'm still recovering! However, on a positive note...I'm getting stronger, and more able, every day!

From the beginning of August, to the end of October, I underwent Chemotherapy. I was given a drug called Taxol (as well as fluids and a small list of "preventative measure" meds), which I was told is the "go-to" drug for treating Breast Cancer. No horror story to tell you, there...but I did lose most of my hair.

The biggest problem I had was lack of energy; I couldn't function like a normal person. No matter how much, or how little, sleep I got...it was never enough! But...I didn't lose my appetite, I never got nausious, and I never got sick to my stomach! To this day, my sister says I'm the only person she knows who can gain weight, while on Chemo! LOL!! She's right though....at the Cancer Center, I was told not to worry about calories, or portion control, "just eat!!". So....I did, and I gained 23 lbs, in three months!!

I've also been taking a pill called Tamoxifen, which is an anti-estrogen hormone thereapy drug. The type of breast cancer I have is known as "estrogen receptive". It's the most common form of breast cancer there is, so it's easily treatable. At my last visit to my Oncologist, I was given some GREAT news!! The "blobs" are almost gone!! He says we're going to keep taking the pill, to see if that does the trick, but if not...there are other treatments we can explore.

So, now that you're up to speed....I hope you enjoy taking this journey with me!