"As all of you know, by now, I'm dealing with a diagnosis of Stage 4 Breast Cancer; this is the terminal stage. I hate that word...terminal. Life, itself, is terminal; the day we were born, we begin to die! Some of us have been dying longer than others, but we're all dying. And, yes, it is a shame that diseases such as cancer have the potential to speed up that process.
Now, don't freak out....I'm not on my death bed! I'm stronger, now, than I was before being told I even had cancer! And I will fight with everything I am to beat this disease! I am determined to lean on the Lord for my strength, courage, and determination, so that the next 50 years of my life are God-glorifying and personally satisfying! The Bible say that God promises us a long and satisfying life....well, at the age of 42, I'm certainly NOT satisfied!!
I wanted to talk to you about the journey that brought me to this point, in my life....is that ok? I grew up learning how to do things "my way", because no one else would show me any better way. I've made gastronomically huge mistakes, which altered the lives of those I love (sorry kids!), and I became a rebellious, "devil may care" person....especially with my health. Throughout my life, I've been told to watch what I eat; my Dad was a Diabetic, and passed away when I was only 13 years old. But I didn't care...I was going to do as I pleased, and eat as I pleased. I was young....what was I going to die from???
On into my adult years, I continued to do/say/eat as I pleased. At my heaviest, I weighed nearly 300 lbs! Large pizza's with tons of toppings all to myself, gallons of ice cream, snack cakes at various times of the day (every day), convenience foods (microwave meals, etc) and fast food were my staples...I didn't care what I ate, I just ate it! And I was really not a fan of exercise, so I played the martyr and did just enough to impress anyone who might have been watching me.
Even after giving my life to the Lord, I still held on to the idea that my way of doing things was good enough. God would lay something on my heart, and I would only do it until I was ok with the outcome....or until someone praised my efforts. No consistency in my obedience to Him, at all!
He would unction me to fast....no meat, no dairy, and no processed grains. Ok....but for how long? I always chose the time frame, so God was constantly bringing me back to it, time and time again. I even asked Him if He was trying to get me to do this as an every-day lifestyle....the answer was "yes!", and I promised to get to it, eventually.
This was not the only area where my way seemed do-able.....personal life, finances, etc. You name it, I did it leaning on my own understanding; Proverbs 3:5-6 cautions against that...we're supposed to trust that God knows what's best.
As a result of my decisions, I have been through some serious life-altering experiences, for the last few months. I can't count how many times I've heard, "now, don't blame yourself...you didn't cause this".
Actually, folks....I DID cause this to happen, because I neglected myself for so many years. But, I'm not depressed about it, and I'm not beating myself up about it....I'm accepting responsibility for what I caused, and I'm doing what's necessary to fix it. Including a sincere and desperate moment of repentance!
I apologized to God from the very depth of my soul, because I had neglected the upkeep of His temple (my body). 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 tells us that we are the Temple of the Holy Spirit,and no longer belong to ourselves...but to God.
Everything that I did, while leaning on my own understanding and not trusting God, proved that I still believed I belonged to myself. I'm so thankful that He's such a patient and forgiving Father!! LOL! I think I'd be miserable if He wasn't!
And so, here I am....no job, no finances, nowhere to call home (thanks Kim and Deborah Ochsenbein...(my brother-in-law & sister) for letting me stay with you, for the time being!), etc. I've likened my current situation to that of Job's hardships....he lost everything, too. His health was even in question for a while....but he never stopped praising God. When Job's hardships were over, God restored him and blessed him with double what he had lost, in terms of homes, finances, family, etc.
Each and every day that I am blessed to wake up, I will praise the Name of the Lord! I survived cancer, last night....I'm awake, and alive! Hallelujah!! Praise God!!
Thanks for letting me share this with you!"
And thanks for reading it, here!!
Now, don't freak out....I'm not on my death bed! I'm stronger, now, than I was before being told I even had cancer! And I will fight with everything I am to beat this disease! I am determined to lean on the Lord for my strength, courage, and determination, so that the next 50 years of my life are God-glorifying and personally satisfying! The Bible say that God promises us a long and satisfying life....well, at the age of 42, I'm certainly NOT satisfied!!
I wanted to talk to you about the journey that brought me to this point, in my life....is that ok? I grew up learning how to do things "my way", because no one else would show me any better way. I've made gastronomically huge mistakes, which altered the lives of those I love (sorry kids!), and I became a rebellious, "devil may care" person....especially with my health. Throughout my life, I've been told to watch what I eat; my Dad was a Diabetic, and passed away when I was only 13 years old. But I didn't care...I was going to do as I pleased, and eat as I pleased. I was young....what was I going to die from???
On into my adult years, I continued to do/say/eat as I pleased. At my heaviest, I weighed nearly 300 lbs! Large pizza's with tons of toppings all to myself, gallons of ice cream, snack cakes at various times of the day (every day), convenience foods (microwave meals, etc) and fast food were my staples...I didn't care what I ate, I just ate it! And I was really not a fan of exercise, so I played the martyr and did just enough to impress anyone who might have been watching me.
Even after giving my life to the Lord, I still held on to the idea that my way of doing things was good enough. God would lay something on my heart, and I would only do it until I was ok with the outcome....or until someone praised my efforts. No consistency in my obedience to Him, at all!
He would unction me to fast....no meat, no dairy, and no processed grains. Ok....but for how long? I always chose the time frame, so God was constantly bringing me back to it, time and time again. I even asked Him if He was trying to get me to do this as an every-day lifestyle....the answer was "yes!", and I promised to get to it, eventually.
This was not the only area where my way seemed do-able.....personal life, finances, etc. You name it, I did it leaning on my own understanding; Proverbs 3:5-6 cautions against that...we're supposed to trust that God knows what's best.
As a result of my decisions, I have been through some serious life-altering experiences, for the last few months. I can't count how many times I've heard, "now, don't blame yourself...you didn't cause this".
Actually, folks....I DID cause this to happen, because I neglected myself for so many years. But, I'm not depressed about it, and I'm not beating myself up about it....I'm accepting responsibility for what I caused, and I'm doing what's necessary to fix it. Including a sincere and desperate moment of repentance!
I apologized to God from the very depth of my soul, because I had neglected the upkeep of His temple (my body). 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 tells us that we are the Temple of the Holy Spirit,and no longer belong to ourselves...but to God.
Everything that I did, while leaning on my own understanding and not trusting God, proved that I still believed I belonged to myself. I'm so thankful that He's such a patient and forgiving Father!! LOL! I think I'd be miserable if He wasn't!
And so, here I am....no job, no finances, nowhere to call home (thanks Kim and Deborah Ochsenbein...(my brother-in-law & sister) for letting me stay with you, for the time being!), etc. I've likened my current situation to that of Job's hardships....he lost everything, too. His health was even in question for a while....but he never stopped praising God. When Job's hardships were over, God restored him and blessed him with double what he had lost, in terms of homes, finances, family, etc.
Each and every day that I am blessed to wake up, I will praise the Name of the Lord! I survived cancer, last night....I'm awake, and alive! Hallelujah!! Praise God!!
Thanks for letting me share this with you!"
And thanks for reading it, here!!
No comments:
Post a Comment