Love is in the air!!

Happy Valentine's Day, my loves! I hope you're all having a stellar day, today! You mean so much to me, and I appreciate that you're part of my life. You make this journey of mine worth living!!

Love on that special someone a little extra, today. My focus will be on my friends, my family, and you....because if I focus on the one person I don't have in my life, I won't enjoy this day at all. The end of this month marks the anniversary of the day my late husband killed himself; and I just don't want to deal with the pain my heart is trying to feel.

So, my goal is to focus on the joy of the day....and love on all of you.

This journey I've been on has been a roller coaster of ups and downs; I must admit, I prefer the ups. But who wouldn't....right?? A significant up has been getting to know all of you. I've grown fond of all of you, and look forward to sharing more of my ups (and downs) with you, as the years progress.

It's hard to believe it's been almost three years since I was diagnosed. I'm still looking forward to being cancer free for five years; but I have to stay in remission for that day to come. I'll keep you posted on how that develops!

And now, for some updates....

Christmas and New Years were wonderful! I spent almost an entire month at my youngest daughter's house. My granddaughter, Alice, can almost say her name! She says something that sounds more like "Ally", but it's close enough! LOL!

The last time I had been there (for her birthday week), she wasn't walking yet; but as soon as I got there, I watched her toddle across the living room, and was overcome. The only words that came out of my mouth were, "Oh my gosh!" and I almost cried. She's so precious!

Alice is really smart, too. She still doesn't talk, although she knows how; her Daddy says he was the same way, as a baby. He didn't start using words until he was around 2-3 years old. To be honest, Alice doesn't need to use words; when she communicates, there's no mistaking what she's saying. If you can't tell how she feels, by the look on her face, she's not shy about yelling at you. I corrected her a few times, and the look on her face said enough. As with all toddlers, she's not fond of the word "no".

And if she wants something from you, she opens one hand and points to it with the other, repetitively....until she gets what she's after. She's very generous, too; she likes to share her things with those around her, and she enjoys feeding Mommy, when it's mealtime. I was delighted, when she offered to feed me! Playing at the park was fun, too. I couldn't run around with her, but I sure got a ton of photos while she ran around with Mommy and Daddy. LOL!

I took this photo while we were at the park. My Little Angel is growing up!!

Good news!! I finally moved to Knoxville. I signed my lease before going to my youngest daughter's house; and have been officially occupying my apartment, since mid-January.  I must admit, the kitchen is the smallest one I've ever been in, but I adore it! The apartment even comes with emergency call switches, which I love. And the fire alarm works......really well! It's gone off (spontaneously) in the middle of the night, a couple times. LOL!

I've met some of my neighbors; they seem like decent folks. My neighbor across the hall is my hero.....my living room light blew out, and he changed it for me (being short sucks). And I had assumed I was the youngest one here....but have since met a few other disabled people who are younger than me.

I haven't been around town all that much, because my lower back and hips don't appreciate the fact that there are no flat sidewalks (or parking lots); I'm either walking uphill or downhill....and both hurt. The stronger I get, the easier it'll become; I just need to be patient with myself, while I adjust. I'm looking forward to discovering the wonder that is Knoxville! 

I have to be honest, I had mixed feelings about being out on my own. It's just me now, so I'm excited about the idea of being able to do things and go places, without worrying about someone else's schedule. But at the same time.....it's just me, now. I'm living alone for the first time in my life; and that's a bit scary. It's not as bad as I thought it would be, so I'm relaxing a bit more about it.

This is the smallest kitchen I've ever had, but it's a perfect size for me!!

I'm sitting in the recliner...not a bad size for a living room!!

Everything about this place is ADA approved!!

Can't wait to add some decor...my bedroom looks empty! LOL!

Another update for you....I have an Instagram account; if you have one too, come on and follow me! I've been whipping up some good stuff in my kitchen, so I figured it was time to branch out. You can also follow me on Twitter and Facebook.

 Here's one of the recipes I've made; I adapted it a bit. The original recipe is called Morning Glory Juice; but, I made it a smoothie, because my juicer needs to be replaced. I love my Ninja!! This is the one I use.

10 strawberries
3 carrots
1 banana (not in the original recipe)
1 grapefruit (peeled)
1/2 a lemon (peeled)
2 tsp of powdered ginger (the original recipe calls for fresh ginger)

Juice them, or blend them like I did; I encourage you to try it! I shredded the carrots before blending them; it made it easier. And it is a bit pulpy (I didn't strain it). I'm also thinking about adding some raw honey next time, because it was a little tart for my taste. But it was amazing!!

 

Well, I'm all out of updates.....for now. Have a spectacular day, my loves! God bless you!!

Oh, Happy Day!!

Oh my gosh! Hey, guys.....I've got stellar news!!

Yesterday, my Oncologist told me that the results from Thursday’s PET scan (last Thursday) came back NEGATIVE!!! IT’S GONE!!! Seems that my Survival Story has reached a new level! I’m so excited... LOL!!

I can’t stop smiling, either! LOL!! And, although I won the battle...the war is not over. I have to keep in mind that I need to stay two steps ahead of this, to reduce the risk of recurrence. Lots of healthy eating, prayer, positive thoughts, and staying joyful!!

Care to join me, in a Happy Dance?? Let’s go!! LOL!

By the way...you can also find me on these social media sites; please, follow me on...

Facebook

Twitter

Pinterest





And have a blessed day!! oxoxox

It's Christmas Eve!

Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. (Isaiah 43:19 KJV)

As I sit and connect with God, this morning, He brings me to this Scripture, and it got me thinking.

I've often said that it’s not a great idea to assume what God’s doing, or thinking. That means you’re putting yourself in His place, and you believe you know more than He does (I'm guilty of this, myself...but I've learned my lesson!) Lucifer did that....and was thrown out of Heaven for it.

All the time, I hear people ask, “If God's so "all powerful", why does He allow bad things to happen? Why doesn't He just stop them?” Well...if someone comes chasing after you, with a big stick, aren't you going to run for cover?? How do any of us know that maybe God’s allowing all these bad things, because He knows they’ll bring us closer to Him??

The Bible says, in Psalm 9:9, many people are suffering— crushed by the weight of their troubles. But the Lord is a refuge for them, a safe place they can run to. (Easy to Read Version)

Now, I’m not assuming to know what God thinks, or anything...I’m smarter than that! LOL!! But, think about it...the Scripture, above, tells us He does new things to make life a little more bearable!

For instance, consider all these different Bible translations we have available to us, these days. So many people get offended at them, citing that the King James is the ONLY translation there should be; but, how do any of us know that it wasn't God’s idea to create easier to read versions of the Bible??

I’d consider that making “a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert”. Wouldn't you??

See...thanks to all those different variations/translations, more people are getting to know God, because they can finally understand what the Bible is teaching! Granted, some of those translations have left whole verses and chapters out (not good, folks!); but if you can’t understand...

“Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” (Romans 12:16-18 KJV)

you might be able to understand... “Be friendly with everyone. Don’t be proud and feel that you are smarter than others. Make friends with ordinary people. Don’t mistreat someone who has mistreated you. But try to earn the respect of others, and do your best to live at peace with everyone.” (same Scripture, but from the Contemporary English Version)

Folks, we’re not supposed to be fussing with each other over what God’s will is; it’s not our place to assume we know what God is up to, with all that’s going on in the world! That would be usurping OUR will, and claiming it's God's will. We’re only supposed to be concerned with how He wants us to impact the world!

That’s OUR job...the job of the Believer; and, the biggest impact would be to introduce the Savior to those who may not understand that that’s who He is.

We’re also not supposed to stand in judgment over anyone, for any reason, either, and I hear more and more Believers doing that! Jesus' own words to His followers:

Luke 6:37-38 Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven: Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again. (KJV)

Luke 6:37-38 Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults—unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don’t condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you’ll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity. (The Message)

This is what we (the Believers) are supposed to be doing with our time...

Mark 16:15 And he said unto them, “Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.” (KJV)

Mark 16:15 And then he told them, “You are to go into all the world and preach the Good News to everyone, everywhere. (The Living Bible)

The GOOD NEWS (aka: The Gospel) is that Jesus gave up His life, being crucified on the cross and resurrected from the dead, so no human being would have to spend eternity in Hell...we can all go to Heaven! The only “catch” is that you have to believe that...if you don’t receive what Jesus did for you, as the gift it was intended to be, you won’t make it to Heaven.

Not my rules, folks...just the truth!

Jesus even said it.... “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6 ESV) The Father is God, and He lives in Heaven; none of us will ever get there, if we don’t believe that Jesus IS the Savior of the world.

The Apostle Paul taught us how to do that...

“If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.” (Romans 10:9-10 NIV)

You don’t have to change how you live, or think, or dress, or speak. You don’t have to convert to another religion. And you don’t have to “be a better person” before you decide to believe and confess; just do it!! And, I know, some of you are thinking, “Why would anyone give up their own life, for me??” Simple...He did it, because He loves you; and He knew that was the only way to bring you Home.

That was the whole purpose behind His birth...He came down from Heaven to bring us Home!!

John 1:14 And the Word (Christ) became flesh (human, incarnate) and tabernacled (fixed His tent of flesh, lived awhile) among us; and we [actually] saw His glory (His honor, His majesty), such glory as an only begotten son receives from his father, full of grace (favor, loving-kindness) and truth. (AMP)

And, wouldn't you say that a virgin birth was a "new thing"? It only happened once, in the history of mankind!

Enjoy your Christmas holiday!! And, God bless us....every one!

oxoxox

A Few Small Updates

Good morning, my loves! I just wanted to take a few minutes to update you on some things...the first "small update" is BIG news!!

My granddaughter has been born! She came into the world two days ago, and is the light of my life! Per my youngest daughter's wishes, I am not permitted to show you any pictures; but her name is Alice, and she weighed 8 lbs 2 oz at birth. She's beautiful!! And, officially speaking as a newborn Grammy...I can't wait to see my little angel; I'll be heading to Atlanta, in September, for the official meet-n-greet!

Next update....my chemo pill (Xeloda) is officially kicking my butt!! I was so tired, last night, I went to bed at 9:30pm (I can typically stay up until midnight). I've been able to tolerate four pills a day (haven't thrown up, yet); so after this bottle is empty, I'll take a break for a week, and start the next bottle, taking five pills a day.

My Oncologist wants to try and get me back up to six pills a day, if I can tolerate it. So far, on this reduced dose, the only side effects I'm experiencing are some minor hair loss and serious fatigue.

Last update...still praying that God will open doors for me to be able to move to Knoxville, by the end of the year. Of course, I understand that it's all about His timing, not mine. But, I've discovered that most of the apartments I qualify for have dishwashers, and some have washer/dryer hookups!

I've also discovered that there's a "Whole Foods" type store in the Knoxville area that will take food stamps (being on disability, I had to go on food stamps to be able to feed myself); and I'll be living within the city limits, so I'll be able to take the bus wherever I need to go...which will come in handy, since I don't own a vehicle! LOL!

I'm totally excited about the new life God has planned for me! And, I'm completely grateful that He continues to give me another day! I'm blessed beyond measure, and glad I can share my life with you!!

Have a great day!! oxoxox

General Updates

Wow...it's been almost a month, since my last Blog entry! Sorry about that...I've been otherwise occupied! LOL!!

Ok, so here are some updates for you:

First of all....Happy (belated) Mother's Day, to all you Mommies out there; I hope yesterday was full of love and great memories for you! Mine was not too bad...although I only heard from my girls; my son isn't really that keen on remembering minor holidays...the big ones like Christmas and Easter, are easier to remember. But, I wish him well, where ever he is!

Next...I've been working on my crochet project. I'm making a blanket for my granddaughter...July is fast approaching!! I can't wait to hold her in my arms, and smother her with hugs and kisses!! I'm going to LOVE being a Grammy!!

I've also had some issues with dental health, recently. I suffered from a terrible abscess, a couple weeks ago. I've got several broken teeth (seven, to be exact), and one of them decided it was time to get infected. After I was well again, I scheduled an appointment with a dentist, who referred me to an oral surgeon so I can get those broken teeth removed. I was so happy when my dentist told me I didn't have to lose all of my teeth!! LOL! After I get the broken teeth removed, I'll start the process to get a set of partials, so I can eat real food, again!

And, I'm totally getting excited for my back-to-back trips to the Atlanta area, coming soon! In June, some friends and family are invading Atlanta to shower my youngest daughter with tons of love and support; she said she didn't want a traditional baby shower! So, our Atlanta Weekend will be all about her; the plan includes lunch at The Cheesecake Factory, and lots of shopping, the last weekend of June! LOL!! And, around the last weekend of July, I'm planning on spending a few days with her and her boyfriend, in their new house. It'll be my official "Meet Up" with my new granddaughter!

I'm not getting anywhere, leaving the responsibility of ending  the marriage to my estranged husband, either. Looks like I'm going to have to be the one to get the ball rolling; he keeps telling me he doesn't have a job, so it's going to take a while for him to be able to file the papers. I don't know why he just doesn't borrow the money from someone else...he's very good at conning people out of money! Oh, well...it's not the first time I've had to be the responsible one, in this relationship. I'll be glad when it's all over!!

Let's see....what else is there to update? Oh, yes....I'm promoting my Facebook page, and would love if you'd go "Like" it; the link is here! I'm spending more time on Facebook, than anywhere else, online; so it just makes sense to steer folks toward the social media platform I use most often.

I have my own business card, too!!

Thanks for sticking around, as I continue my journey; your love and support mean a great deal to me!! oxoxox

Change is Inevitable

Everyone experiences change, from time to time. Our lives changed, the day we got diagnosed...when someone gives birth, when someone passes away, when someone gets married, or divorced...things change; even our everyday lives are different, from day to day. It's how we progress through life.

Yesterday, I announced on my Facebook page, that there were some big changes about to take place in my life. Today, I’d like to share what they are, with you. A couple things you may already know about.

As I've mentioned before, I’m legally married (Lee is my maiden name); my estranged husband and I haven’t seen each other for over a year. Our lives are moving in two different directions; and, I've encouraged him to file for an annulment, since he’s the one who doesn't want to be in the marriage, anymore. He was the one who suggested the separation, and shortly after that, he left Ohio.

The only time I've ever heard from him is when I've e-mailed him, and he sends a reply; and all he’s talked about are his dreams of owning a house for himself, and making a life for himself…no mention of me in that future, at all. And, he certainly wasn't all that concerned, when I told him about my diagnosis; he told me he wasn't sure what I expected him to do about it, but he was sorry I was going through this. So, I’m waiting for him to file the annulment, and send it to me, so I can sign it; in one of our previous e-mail conversations, I gave him my address, but I have no idea where he is.

I’m also making plans to move to Knoxville, TN, sometime this year. The sooner, the better, as far as I’m concerned; however, I still have to remind myself that all things happen in God’s timing, not ours! LOL!

As I’m making these plans to relocate, I've created a Wish List for myself; it’s comprised of all the things I want for my new home. I think it’s a complete list...there are a few things I intentionally left off the list; I can get them, the day I move into my new apartment. You can see my Wish List here; and, if you would like to help me fill it, I appreciate that! Thank you, very much!!

The shipping address is different than mine…I’m having my things shipped to Knoxville ahead of me, so by the time I get there, I’ll only have to move in, rather than spend the day collecting furniture and things. That just makes more sense to me! If you've decided to help me fill this list, and can't find the shipping address, please let me know!

My oldest daughter, her hubby, and their families live in the Knoxville area, so I’ll have familiar faces around me, even though my surroundings will be unfamiliar for a while. My oldest daughter’s Dad and I have been friends for years, even though our marriage didn't work out, either. And, everyone’s excited about me coming to live there! The storage facility I rented is at the company she works for…she’s the Assistant District Manager, at Storage Pros and works at the facility on Sutherland Avenue! If you ever need a storage unit, in Knoxville (or know someone who does) I highly recommend Storage Pros…and you can tell them I sent you!!

And, as you may know…in July, my youngest daughter will give birth to my first Grandchild! It’s a girl, by the way! I've already begun picking out frilly little dresses, and hair bands; and I’m in the process of crocheting a blanket for her…the nursery colors will be pink, brown and white!

My daughter has even been discussing some “raising baby” rules with me, for when I have her to myself. She’s going to be such a great Mommy; I'm so proud of her!! She’s also talked about plans that she and her boyfriend are making to take the baby on trips, and to museums, amusement parks, the zoo, etc. Everyone is SUPER excited, and very anxious for the baby’s arrival…July can’t come soon enough for us!! LOL!!

The last big change will happen gradually; I’m hoping to be able to lose at least 80 lbs. by this time, next year. I’m looking forward to being lean and healthy, once again… I've been overweight, and unhealthy, for far too long!! Look out world…here comes the “New Me”!!

And, there you have it! These are the big changes that will soon be happening in my life. I have a feeling life is going to be one great big adventure, with all these things taking place; but, I think I’m up to it! LOL!!

Thanks for being part of that adventure! Have a blessed day!! oxoxox

Hello. My name is Melissa Lee; and I’m an Addict.

I’m what’s known as an emotional eater…I eat when I’m sad, when I’m nervous, when I’m stressed out, and even when I’m happy. I don’t eat, because my body needs nourishment…I eat because it feels good. I've struggled with this most of my life; and even more so, now that I've been diagnosed with a terminal illness.

I recently watched a video (there's an article, too), detailing how the food industry cons us into eating the things that we know aren't good for us, but we find ourselves powerless against the cravings for these things; pizza, chips, fried foods, the Value Meal, macaroni and cheese, snack cakes, soda pop, etc. They are chemically altered, on purpose, to get us addicted to them. And, I’m an addict. On this video, they interview a fellow addict, and she briefly discusses how difficult it is to abstain from all of these gloriously wonderful foods. Trust me, she’s not kidding! I encourage you to check it out!

Father God, please forgive me… I've fallen off the wagon, again! My sister said to me, the other day, “there’s no reason why you can’t enjoy a treat, once in a blue moon”. Under normal circumstances, she’d be right…one slice of pizza, one small fry, or a small handful of chips, won’t hurt at all; and everyone knows you should never deprive yourself. That’s the easiest way to fail.

Unless you’re me; the easiest way to fail, in my case, would be to indulge…even if it’s just a small amount. In my case, it would be like telling an alcoholic that one little glass of wine, with dinner, isn't going to hurt. Everyone knows, to give an alcoholic ANY alcoholic beverage…even just a sip…is to set him back in his recovery, and will cause him to fall, again. And, I've been indulging, lately.

I don’t have the will power to stop at just a small amount. I've been indulging, from time to time, because there are those things in my sister’s house…and I've noticed I've been wanting more, and more. I've got to stop! I don’t want to “die happy” as so many people have said, when faced with the responsibility of giving up their junk food…they’d rather die happy. I’d rather LIVE happy, thank you very much! And, eating any amount of junk food is a trap, for me. I've got to stop myself!!

I can feel myself slipping back into old habits…and, I don’t want to go there!! I don’t want to die from Breast Cancer!! You don’t understand….I CAN’T say “No!”, unless I don’t see it. If I know it’s there, I want it; if I want it, I’ll eat it. I've been doing pretty good, so far; but I feel like I could be doing much better. And, just because someone who loves me gives me permission to indulge on rare occasion, doesn't mean I should. Father God, I need your help!!

Here’s a picture of me, before I was diagnosed. I weighed 251 lbs. This is what giving in to those foods has done to me…because I can’t stop at just a small amount.

I had my sister take a picture of me, this morning; it's been a little over a year, between photos. The darker hair, in the first picture, was a dye job.

Today, I weight 231 lbs. I don’t think my body has changed all that much, but I feel different; and I do look smaller, in comparison.  I can sense that changes are taking place, and I don’t want to ruin that, by going back into my old habits. I want to document my weight loss, because that’s part of my recovery journey. Losing weight will help in preventing a recurrence.

Now, I don’t fault my sister for trying…she means well; and love her for trying to make sense out of a situation that clearly doesn't. But, I know what my weaknesses are, and I know what I have to do to keep from falling off the wagon, again. I also know, I can’t do this without God! In 2 Corinthians 12:9, the Bible says “And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.”

That’s me…I’m a weakling; a mere mortal. I know this, I’ve accepted this, and I can use this to bring glory to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

This is a list of some of the triggers I've had to come face to face with, lately…

•  I have Stage 4 Breast Cancer
• My estranged husband is being difficult (Lee is my maiden name)
•  I’m making plans to move south, but I’m not sure if I’m going to TN, or to GA (I have family in both states)
• I also don’t know how I’m going to get there, or how I’m going to go from homeless & broke, to self-sufficient & independent
• I want to have a job, but my doctors have me on disability, which hinders that whole independence thing
•  I need to get to the gym, so I can lose weight; but I’m dependent on a driver who doesn't like driving in bad weather (we've had a lot of that, lately)

As you can see, there’s really not a lot for me to stress out about (LOL!). Oy! I know God never gives us more than we can handle, but sometimes I wish He didn’t have so much confidence in me! LOL!!

This too, shall pass!!

Thanks for listening today. Have a blessed day, everyone!! oxoxox

Spring is Here...Allergy Season is Coming!!

With the onset of spring (although it certainly doesn't feel like it), we are now facing the upcoming seasonal allergy season. How many of you have allergies? Do you take any medications for them? Did you know you can fight them off, naturally?

I used to have bad allergies, to pollen and dust...now, it seems my allergies are more toward animal dander (my sister and brother-in-law have 2 dogs and a cat). As you know, I've been researching different methods on how to battle breast cancer, naturally; so, I figured I should research and see what methods there are to battling allergies, naturally, as well.

Here's what I've learned...

Best Health Magazine lists these methods:

1. Supplement with "healthy bacteria" (probiotics)
2. Load up on butterbur
3. Take more Vitamin C
4. Eat your onions
5. Supplement with fish oils
6. Look for adrenal support
7. Pay attention to your diet

A more in-depth explanation of each of these points can be found, here. Definitely worth the read!

And, the Farmers' Almanac says these foods are beneficial in the fight for relief from allergies:

1. Apple cider vinegar
2. Local honey
3. Lime
4. Chamomile tea
5. Garlic

Click here, to learn how to utilize them, and why they're beneficial.

The website Care2.com has some advice for us, as well. You can find that article by clicking this link. I love this site!!

And, Dr. Mercola has an entire library of information concerning allergies...anything from food allergies, to pollen/dust allergies, to pet allergies (no, I mean pets who HAVE allergies!), etc. I encourage you to check it out!

Mother Nature Network says there are 10 foods that fight spring allergies. On that article, they even list a recipe for "Allergy Soup"! I love when I can get a recipe AND some great advice, at the same time! LOL!!

HealthWithFood.org also has a wealth of information for us, concerning a nutritional approach to combating allergies. That article can be found, here. Some of the information may sound familiar! LOL!

There; you and I are now armed to the teeth with tons of information on how to fight off our allergies, the natural way, rather than relying on medications! Let's do this!! As you explore them, please feel free to comment on which ones work for you! I'd love to hear from you!

I'll try them out, too...and, I'll let you know which ones work for me!

Have a great day, and may God bless you!! oxoxox

Dropping the Bomb

I've been asked by Suzan St. Maur to discuss how I broke the news of my diagnosis to my children. It wasn't easy, but they made it through the initial blow.

All of my children are grown. My oldest daughter is 25 yrs old, married, and living in Alcoa, Tennessee. My son is 22, and lives in Canton, OH. And my youngest daughter is 19, and living in near Atlanta, Georgia (and she's due to give birth to my 1st Grandchild, in July!); although, she was visiting me in Alliance, OH, when I was newly diagnosed.....July 3, 2012.

I was living in Alliance, to help a niece of mine build her new business; she owns a small cafe', and has only been in business for a couple years, now. I lived above the cafe', and helped out in the kitchen and with the customers...I basically did everything she did. It was during this time that my body began to shut down...I lost all feeling from my waist to my knees, and was having difficulty moving around. And boy, was I in PAIN!!

My youngest daughter was visiting me, at this time, and I finally decided it was time to find out what was going on with my body. She helped me get dressed; and then she helped me walk down a flight of steps, and out to the bus stop. The bus driver was great, too...he put the wheelchair lift down for me, so I wouldn't have to walk up the steps to get in! The ride to the local hospital was agony!! When there's something wrong with your back, bus rides and ambulance rides are NO FUN!! LOL!

In the ER, at Alliance Community Hospital, they took x-rays and blood tests (my vitals were good). And, after a while a doctor came in and broke the news...in front of my little girl (I know...19 isn't so little, but still)!! He said he believed it was Multiple Myeloma, because the tumors he saw were attached to my vertebrae. I remained calm, but my poor daughter just about hyperventilated!

Mommy's dying??? No..."relax, honey...it's just a few 'blobs'. The doctor's will know how to get them out of me, and I'll be fine!" I didn't like having to down play what was happening, but she literally looked like she was about to have a heart attack, after the doctor revealed his findings!

I was swept away to Akron General Medical Center, because the hospital in Alliance was not equipped to deal with what I was presumed to have; Akron General has a stellar cancer team, and all the necessary equipment to properly diagnose me! My youngest daughter came with me, to Akron, as well.

More tests...x-rays, CAT Scan, MRI (not fun!), blood work, etc. The Oncologist I was assigned to is a doll (honestly, my whole team was!) He introduced himself to both of us, and talked to both of us about what he discovered; I think my daughter felt better, once she was included in on conversation. He said there were tumors all over my ribs, up and down my spine, and in my hips...but he thinks it's breast cancer. He also told me that my 5th lumbar vertebrae was all but destroyed, so I was going to need surgery to remove it.

I watched her face, as all of this was being explained to us. Her head was spinning, but the look in her eyes was what I focused on the most..."I don't care what you have to do, just don't let my Mommy die!" Watching her world crumble down around her, was harder to handle than being told I had cancer.

After all of this had settled in, she called her sister, and broke the news; my niece (owner of the cafe') told my son...he was staying at her house, at the time. They all came to the hospital to see me, too!

The looks on their faces weren't any more uplifting, than my youngest daughter's. It took me a while to get up the courage to tell everyone to stop looking at me like I'm already dead. I couldn't stand that look in their eyes...not just my children's faces, but my whole family!!

As I discussed things with my older two (two separate occasions) they became more at ease with the whole deal. I told them what the diagnosis was, and what the doctor said my treatment plan would include....surgery, chemo, and possibly radiation. I had very nice visits with all my kids!

The mammogram, and biopsy, confirmed that it was indeed Stage 4 Breast Cancer; I had a massive tumor in my left breast; and tumors of varied sizes in the lymph nodes of my left arm pit, as well as all the way down my spinal column (from my neck to my tailbone), and in my ribs and hips. And, I maintained, (to all three of my children) that they're just 'blobs' and I'll be fine. It's been 8 months, since my diagnosis....they are still just blobs, and they're almost gone!!

My children are all back in their own environments, now. My oldest daughter, while visiting me, not only prayed over me...she also prayed, privately, and received a Word from the Lord that I wasn't going to die (John 11:3-4 NIV); so, every time I update them on my progress, we do the Happy Dance, together; and give God the praise He deserves! LOL!!

Sharing My Journey

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to take you back in time, a little. Back to the beginning of my journey...well, not the very beginning, but shortly after surgery.

I was encouraged to start a journal on a site called CaringBridge, as a means to allow my friends and family access to my daily struggles and triumphs; I didn't use it for long, because I found that journaling on Facebook was a better avenue.


I wanted to take you folks back to that time, since you've only known me for a short while. So, I'll post my journal entries from CaringBridge for you to see. By the time I started this journal, I was out of the hospital and living with my sister.

Welcome to my journey!

~~~~~~~~

My Journey

Written Aug 7, 2012 2:12pm

First journal entry!

Ok...further updates. I had surgery, on July 11, 2012, to remove my 5th lumbar vertebrae because it had become diseased. The cancer in my body had metastasized and moved into my lymph nodes and down my spine, before it was discovered. I have what they call a "cage" in the place where my vertebrae used to be (I also discovered that I have 6 lumbar vertebrae, instead of 5, like the body is supposed to have! LOL!).

So, in 4 days, it will be a month since the surgery...and I'm still recovering from it! I was told it would take a decent amount of time for everything to heal, so I'm expecting a couple more months of pain, discomfort and strict limitations. No big deal!

I'm also going to be starting chemo treatments at the end of this week. I've already been briefed on what to expect, what the side effects might be, etc; not sure what to think about the possibility of being bald! LOL! My appetite might be affected by it, as well....I sure hope not, because I love food!! But, we'll cross that bridge, when we get to it.

I hope you follow me on my journey, as I battle and conquer this disease! I will live on...I'm going to survive!!

My Bucket List

Written Aug 7, 2012 5:15pm

This is a work in progress; as I think of things I will be doing, before I die, I'll add to the list!

• Live to be 92 years old
• Visit Ireland, Scotland and Wales (my heritage)
• Become a "clothes horse"
• Write a book and get it published
• Grow a flower garden, and a veggie garden
• Take up pottery
• Become self-employed and be successful at it
• See a Broadway play
• Visit, or be visited by, all of my family members (both sides!)
• See Duran Duran and Def Leppard in concert (my 2 favorite secular bands!)
• Be used by God to change someone's life (for the better, of course!)

Good Morning!!

Written Aug 8, 2012 6:02am

I woke up, this morning, around 5:15am...in serious pain!! When the pain gets real bad, I can't potty as well as I need to; and my entire midsection is bigger than normal. It's really no fun!!

As soon as I was able, I took some Ibuprofen...and I'm still in considerable pain, at this moment. I've had to liken the pain to carrying an elephant around my middle. Sometimes the elephant isn't so big....sometimes it's huge! The hospital has a numeric system to rate the pain...1 is not bad at all, all the way up to 10, being the worst pain you've ever felt. This morning, the elephant was a "size" 8.

When I'm in that much pain, it's hard to move around, too; I'm not very good on my feet, and very slow. Ah, the joys of recovering from major surgery! LOL! I'm sure I'll be fine, once the Ibuprofen kicks in....but waiting for that moment isn't any fun, either!

This afternoon, I get my Medi-port put in; I've been told that it's normally put in in the chest, for adults. No problem...when I undergoing surgery, I had what's called a central line put in, on the left side of my chest. For the purposes of chemo, they may decide to put the port in on the right side.

Stay tuned....more updates as the day progresses!

The Day Begins

Written Aug 8, 2012 10:30am

Breakfast....check! Shower, and dressed.....check x 2! Notice how big the elephant is....check (it's a size 4, now! Yay!) An elephant (the level of pain I'm in) under a size 6 is tolerable....anything higher than a 6, and it's NOT NICE!!

By the way....have I mentioned how much I don't like shoes?? Thanks to a medication I'm taking (Tamoxifen) my feet swell up super huge, which makes it uncomfortable to wear socks and shoes. This medication has a long list of side effects, of course, but it's job is to shrink the mass in my left breast. As a result of the swelling in my feet, I've learned to only wear socks and shoes, when I have to go somewhere...if I'm staying home, I'm barefoot! <3

I'll update, again, when I get home from my Medi-port appointment!

Medi-port Appointment

Written Aug 8, 2012 5:47pm

Just got home, and my appointment was at 12:45pm! Tons of paperwork, of course...and more incisions!! The Tech who put my port in stuck me 4 times with Lidocaine....OWWWWW!! She was great, though....talked me though the whole process, as she was doing it.

She went through my neck, to find the right vein for the port (that was painful, too!); and she apologized every time I yelled "Ow!" My port is purple!!! :D

It's threaded up my neck, then down toward my heart. I have two more scars in the making, thanks to this procedure! LOL! My neck feels like it's 4 feet thick, and it's super sore from being still for an hour, during the procedure (I had to look off to my left, the whole time I was on the table).

I was given a list of instructions on how to care for the incisions, and what to do for swelling and pain, etc. And now, I think I'm gonna go lay down on my bed, for a while.....it's been a LOOOOOOONG day!!

Love ya!!

Good Morning!!

Written Aug 9, 2012 7:02am

Up at 6am...still in my jammies, as I write this! LOL!

Today, I have chemo class, at 9am, so I can learn all about the type of chemo drug(s) I'll be getting through my port, what the purpose is, any side effects I should look for, etc. Excited about this!!

But, I think I should go get dressed, and eat my breakfast, before it's too late! LOL!! I will give you another update, when I get home from class!

Chemo Class

Written Aug 9, 2012 11:00am

Home, again!

Chemo class was uber informative! (my head is swimming!) And....the info packet they gave me is in a PURPLE file binder!! :D I love how God is giving me all this purple stuff, to keep me in good spirits, because He knows purple is my favorite color! <3

I'll only be receiving one chemo drug (Taxol), instead of a combo...yay! Most likely, I'll start going bald within about 2-3 weeks, so I was also given some info on where to get a great wig (always wanted to own a wig!) My treatments will be once a week, for 3 weeks, and then off for a week....don't know how many months I'll be getting treatments, but I can always ask my Oncologist, when I see him next time.

I was even told that I'd be allowed to bring in a laptop, because the hospital has Wifi, so I'll be able to keep you all updated as my appointment lingers.

Just an Update

Written Aug 9, 2012 3:42pm

Wowwie.....my neck hurts! The incision spots on my neck and chest are itchy, and the one on my neck is painful! They should both be healed up in a few days, but in the mean time....owww!!

I can also add burping to the list of bodily functions that now hurt! I just did, a few minutes ago, and it hurt my neck!! Love the fact that my nerve endings work....thank You, God!!! LOL!

Sleepless Night

Written Aug 10, 2012 7:05am

I've been up since 4:20am, and was up and down all night, last night! (it's 7:05am) Don't know why, either!

Today is my first chemo treatment, and I'd like to be well rested when I go....I hope I can get some sleep, before I have to leave! If not, I'm gonna be napping in the treatment chair! LOL!

Hopefully, my body won't be bombarded by side effects, either...the Tamoxifen has a laundry list of them, but I've only experienced two, and they're not interfering with anything. So....let's hope that my body can handle the chemo drug just as well! Some of the side effects of Taxol sound scary, and painful!! I encourage you to read up on it!

Now, the first thing they're going to do, when I get to my appointment, is draw blood to make sure I'm well enough to get the drug...they'll do this at every treatment. If I'm not well enough for a treatment, at any time, it will be postponed until my body can handle it. I've also been told that my blood count will be at its lowest 7-10 days after treatment, so I may have to get these treatments every other week, instead of every week for three weeks. We'll see!

I'm gonna go eat some breakfast, and see if I can get some more sleep....further updates, as they occur!

Naps Are a Wonderful Thing!

Written Aug 10, 2012 9:25am

I got some sleep!!! I also figured out what it was that kept me up most of the night....I had consumed four glasses of water, between 6pm - 9pm, last night. Three trips to the bathroom, in the middle of the night, and my body thought 4:30am would be a good time to get up and stay up!! LOL!

Need to finish my mid-morning breakfast...I'm sure my sister wants to leave on time, since my appointment is for 11am. TTYL!!

In the Office

Written Aug 10, 2012 11:11am

Waiting for the Nurse to come take my blood....can't start the treatment, until they know I'm healthy enough! My blood pressure is a tad high, too....hhmmmm....I wonder why! LOL!

Late Update

Written Aug 10, 2012 9:09pm

Sorry guys....I didn't have a chance to update, after I came home, this evening. So...here it is!

When I got to my chemo appointment, I had a huge stack of paperwork to fill out; then, they drew my blood....my levels are great!! After the results from the blood tests came back, they gave me some pre-meds, to help combat any possible reactions to the chemo drug...I reacted more to the pre-meds than I did to the chemo! One of them was Benadryl....I had fun with that one! LOL!!

The treatment, itself, only lasted an hour....but, we were there from 11am - 3pm, as a result of the whole process. Next week's treatment won't be such a long experience, because I won't have to fill out any more paperwork....just a pain management survey, blood work, and the treatment (if my levels are strong enough).

And now...it's my bedtime! So, I will post another journal entry, when I get up, tomorrow! Good night, and God bless!!

Good Morning!!

Written Aug 11, 2012 8:15am

I've been up since 7am! Only got up once, in the middle of the night (between 2 - 3:30am)...I like nights like that!! LOL!

So far, so good....no side effects from the chemo drug! They said it might take a few days, so I'm watching...not that I'll have any, of course! LOL! For real, though, they said they were more concerned with me getting fatigued, than experiencing any other side effect. So, fatigue is what I'm watching for...and I may not lose my hair for a couple weeks.

And, since I've been up for this long (it's 8:15am), I think I'll go get some breakfast! See ya, later!

Good Morning!!

Written Aug 12, 2012 5:44am

I SLEPT ALL NIGHT!!!!

Yes, that actually IS an accomplishment for me! Typically, I'm up at least once or twice, to go to the bathroom! LOL! This is the second time, since coming home, that I've actually had a full night's sleep! Yay, me!!

Father God, thank You for seeing me though all of my accomplishments, as I regain my independence! Teach me to become more interdependent on You, as well; and, give me the boldness to speak of You, when You unction me to speak. I have a testimony, and I want the world to know how faithful You are to take care of us, even when we live our lives as if we don't need You, anymore! In Jesus' name, I pray...and give You all the glory, praise, and thanks!! Amen!

Today is a sleepy day!

Written Aug 12, 2012 1:23pm

I do believe I'm experiencing one of the side effects of the chemo drug....I'm sluggish, and tired! It started last night, around 7pm; I noticed I was super tired, and looked at the time, thinking it was bed time....not at 7pm, it's not! LOL!

Today, I've been....well....run down. If it continues, or becomes more noticeable, in the coming week, I'll know it's a side effect, and not just me. Right now....I'm going to go take a nap! zzzZZZzzz

The End of My Day

Written Aug 12, 2012 7:31pm

For those of you who are wondering....yes, I did nap! I was asleep for 3 hours, this afternoon! LOL! It was wonderful!!!! <3

During dinner time, I sat and talked to my sister about goals I want to attempt....one of them being taking a shower without my shower stool. I want to see if I can handle washing myself, without sitting down; I figure I could stick my feet up on the inside edge of the tub, still using my handle sponge, to wash my legs and feet. I'm gonna try that, tomorrow morning.

I'd like to attempt a whole day without my brace on, but that will have to wait until I see my surgeon again, on August 28th. This brace is almost becoming a hindrance, now that I can do so much on my own! However, I am totally thankful that braces like this exist, because it helped me get strong, when I was weakened by the surgery! Thank You, Father God!!

For dinner, I had left over fried chicken and jo-jo's from Giant Eagle....yummy!! Because I'm in the process of healing from surgery, and now with my ongoing chemo treatments, I need a ton of protein in my daily food intake; it is the building blocks of the body! I have lots of different protein sources available to me, too....whole grain pasta, meat, poultry, beans, Greek yogurt, and Boost. And I always make sure to have some form of protein with every meal!

Again, feeling tired this evening.....even though I had a 3-hour nap. I think I'll go watch some TV, until 9pm, and then take my Tamoxifen and go to bed. Thanks for keeping up with my journal; it means a lot to me to know you care about my journey!

Glad to see the sunrise!

Written Aug 13, 2012 8:20am

Had a rough night, last night....I was up twice, to go to the bathroom, and couldn't! Still waiting....

I think I'm going to write to my Mom, today; I haven't spoken to her about what's going on, and I'm sure she's heard any manner of "news" from our family's grapevine. My sister said Mom should get the low-down straight from the horse's mouth. I have to agree with her, on that!

This morning, I really wasn't in the mood to eat breakfast (feeling constipated, and all), but I did manage a small bowl of Raisin Bran. And, today I will attempt a shower, without the help of my shower stool! Should be interesting! LOL!! I'll let ya know how it goes!

VICTORY!!!

Written Aug 13, 2012 12:38pm

Guess what!!! I took a shower all on my own!

My sister playfully called it a "big girl" shower....no shower stool, no assistance (getting in, getting out, drying off, etc), and the removable shower head stayed perched on its handle! I even applied lotion to my legs and feet, after I dried off.... By! My! Self!

I am super excited about this!!! If I could....I'd dance! LOL!!

When I got out of the shower, I sat on the lid of the toilet (with a towel between me and the lid), to dry my legs and feet off; then I crossed my legs in order to reach my feet and put the lotion on. Granted, when I crossed my legs to get at my feet, my leg muscles protested...and I'm feeling it, right now, as well! But, that's why my wonderful doctors prescribed Ibuprofen for me! LOL!!

You should see the big grin on my face!! <3

Enjoyed the Day!

Written Aug 13, 2012 7:16pm

Had a GREAT day, today!!

In addition to the triumph of my "big girl" shower, this morning, I also walked what I think to be the equivalent of 1/2 a mile....two blocks up and back down the street, this evening. And, the difficulty I had going to the bathroom, earlier this week, is no longer a difficulty! Yay, me!!

Perfect end to the day.....breakfast!! My sister cooked eggs, bacon, home fries and toast for the two of us (her hubby's on the road....work). It was DEEEEEELISH!!! I'm sure I'll enjoy the rest of my evening, and sleep like a baby, tonight!

Good night, everyone! Love ya!!

Good Morning!!

Written Aug 14, 2012 6:59am

I've been up for almost an hour (it's 6:59am, now), after only getting up once during the night, to go to the bathroom! Yay! I'm also beginning to get hungry! LOL!

I noticed something odd about my legs, yesterday....it seems I've developed a rash of some kind on both of them! It doesn't itch...but it's spreading; I showed my sister, too, and she is about as clueless as I am as to what it might be. I wasn't going to mention it, at all, until I noticed the rashes had spread, last night (just on my legs, though)...must make sure to mention it to the ladies at the Cancer Center, on Thursday! I could be having a reaction to the chemo, or maybe this is a side effect. Who knows!

Anyway....time for some breakfast!

What a day!!

Written Aug 14, 2012 8:40pm

Another rough day, today.....bummer!

This morning, my body developed an annoying stabbing pain; it only happened once in a while, at first...then, by this afternoon, it was more frequent. By the end of my day, this stabbing pain has become a constant pain, that throbs!

I don't know why this is happening...but I sure wish it would GO AWAY!! I've taken Ibuprofen a couple times, today, but it only dulls the pain...I can still feel it. If it continues to happen, I'll be adding that to the list of things to mention at the Cancer Center.

I'm also hoping this pain doesn't keep me awake, tonight! We'll see!

Good Morning!!

Written Aug 15, 2012 5:52am

Well....I think it is, anyway! I've been up since 4:30, after having a restless night!

Still in pain, from yesterday...I'm trying to see if I can figure out the cause, but I just don't know. It could just be my body giving in to the effects of last week's chemo treatment. I've never gone through chemo treatments, before, so I can't say how my body's going to deal with it.

The pain I'm experiencing doesn't seem to go completely away, when I take my Ibuprofen, either....I still get the stabbing sensation, even though the steady pain is lower in intensity. And it's a different type of pain than the "elephant" I mentioned in a previous journal entry. It feels like cramps,or gas, or something like that!

But I guess I shouldn't complain too much...at least my nerve endings are working!! Praise God! LOL!! One thing's for sure....I will be taking a nap, today!

Good Morning!

Written Aug 16, 2012 5:51am

So sorry I didn't post anymore, yesterday...I was dealing with some issues that kept me from my journal.

I'm still dealing with that crampy, stabbing pain...and trying to figure out why it's happening. My sister asked if maybe it was being caused by my back brace, because the location of the pain is right where the brace rests on my hips....hhmmmmm....ok, so I'll ask the folks at the Cancer Center, today, and my Surgeon on the 28th.

I'm also dealing with some very unpleasant emotions, brought on by a situation that is well out of my control, but not so much with another. This person, whom I appointed as my Power of Attorney for Healthcare...has all of my things, including some very necessary documents that I've been asking for these past 6 weeks; and said person has yet to "find the time" to locate my documents among my belongings. Granted, this person has a house full of young kids, and a business to run (practically on their own!), and is also in college....but, even with that busy of a schedule, I would've brought those documents to someone, by now!

I'm so angry!!! And I'm beginning to feel like I'm not as important to this person as I once thought I was! These documents I'm asking for are my identification documents....namely, my social security card, birth certificate and photo ID. As long as I don't have them, I can't finish my paperwork for Medicaid or for Disability; and my bills are coming in!! I have also asked this person to return my laptop to me, which has been on loan to them since April, of this year...they were supposed to buy themselves a laptop with summer semester's student funds, so I could have mine back; fall semester starts at the end of this month, and I still don't have my laptop!

In my anger and hurt, I publicly posted a prayer to God, on Facebook, complaining about all of that and how it was making me feel...I let my emotions determine my actions, and ended up hurting a few people in the process. The resulting apology was also public. But I'm asking whoever's reading this....if you're one of the people who was hurt by that post, I do apologize; but, put yourself in MY shoes, and tell me you wouldn't feel the same way!! I know there are a few people who are sincerely trying their best to help me be reunited with my documents, and I'm sure having to go through the person who's holding things up is not pleasant....but think about this through MY perspective, just for a minute!

I've been diagnosed with a terminal illness (still hate that word!), I spent a whole month in two medical facilities, as a result of a serious surgical procedure to alleviate some of the difficulties that illness had caused. My life has been turned upside down, because I went from being totally independent, to having no other choice but to depend on someone for my daily needs! And the drugs I'm being given to end the life of this terminal illness might actually cause me MORE suffering!! This is a scary time for me, folks!!

Meanwhile...the person whom I elected to take care of my medical needs, if I'm not able to do so, has decided that I'm not worth their time, anymore. They're "too busy" to take the time to find my documents, and instead, have placed all of my belongings in the basement of their business....behind some other things. Remember....this is how I'm feeling...this is my take on the situation. So, yeah...you'll have to forgive me if I get a little rude, arrogant, or bratty about it; but, taking care of it should not have been THIS difficult!!

I digress....I've also noticed that all day yesterday, I was hungry at appropriate times, but had no desire to eat. I did eat...I just didn't want to! That's happened to me, at times, during my "normal" life, too. In fact, I've been up since 4:30am (it's 5:51am, as I explain this part), this morning...my tummy just rumbled, and I just don't feel like eating. Don't worry....I'll eat something! LOL!!

I have a chemo appointment, this afternoon. My sister cut my hair super short, last night, too...I'll have to post a picture of it, soon! We were told that hair loss is much easier to deal with, when the hair is shorter before it falls out. It's less traumatic, they say....we'll see! I should start losing my hair within the next 2 treatments.

I'll close this journal entry, here, and go find something to eat for breakfast. Thanks for letting me rant, earlier!! Stay tuned for further developments! LOL!!

Updates

Written Aug 16, 2012 5:54pm

Finally got my State ID and my social security card (yay!!)...still waiting for my birth certificate. I even got my laptop back, and my purse, too!!! (happy dance!)

Just got back from my chemo appointment...now I have to watch to see if I get any side effects. I didn't get hit too hard, last time, but this is the second treatment; I've been told that it may take a few treatments before I'll notice anything unpleasant. The dogs are sniffing me....I must smell different, since the treatment! LOL!!

Hungry!!! I haven't eaten much today, because I'm just not in the mood to eat....but my sister says she's going to cook some pork shops and broccoli for supper! Yummy!!!

I even had a nap, while I was hooked up for the treatment...so happy about that! I was beginning to feel sleep deprived! LOL!! Well, I'm gonna see if she needs help with supper....see ya, later!!

End of the Day

Written Aug 16, 2012 9:09pm

Super tired, so I'm gonna make this short....

My Oncologist gave me a Rx for my Tamoxifen ....and I can refill it 11 times!!! I'm gonna be on this pill for a while! LOL!! Makes me wonder how long I'll be taking chemo treatments! I think I'll ask, next time I go for a treatment!

Time for bed.....good night!

Good Morning!

Written Aug 17, 2012 9:09am

I've been up for a while...got up around 5am, after only 6 hours of sleep. But....they were 6 consecutive hours!! Yay! Yeah, I did say "good night" at 9pm, last night, but I didn't get to sleep until 11pm....and I'm feeling a little sleepy, at the moment.

It's Day 2 of the 2nd week of chemo treatments....feeling fine, other than a bit sleepy. Thank God the only side effect I seem to be experiencing is fatigue!! I did ask the Nurse at the Cancer Center, yesterday, about those red dots on my shins...she said it might be a reaction to the chemo, and to keep an eye on them; if they spread up my legs and to other parts of my body, she said to notify my Oncologist.

Breakfast, this morning was a peanut butter & jelly sandwich, Greek yogurt, and pink grapefruit juice...yummy!! I may have leftover supper, from last night, for lunch this afternoon....pork chops, broccoli and mac-n-cheese. Yummmmm!!

End of the Day

Written Aug 17, 2012 9:46pm

LOL! After 2 consecutive late nights, talking to my youngest daughter on the phone, I'm up past my 9pm "bed time" and she didn't call!

Lunch was as planned....pork chops, broccoli and mac-n-cheese leftovers from last night; and for supper, this evening, I had chicken, carrots and potatoes! Yummy!!

Haven't heard from my son in a while, so I sent him a message on Facebook. And, I'm missing my husband something fierce! We're separated, at this time....it's a long story, and I'm sure I'll share it, someday; I just don't feel like sharing, right now. I just wish he was here.

Since it is past my "bed time"....I should get to sleep. Still keeping an eye on my system, to see if I get any side effects from the chemo; it's only day 2, out from my second treatment. So far.....so good!

Good Morning!

Written Aug 18, 2012 6:42am

Totally blessed to see another day!! Although, this day is starting out rather oddly....both of my hands are itching, like crazy!! I have no idea why this is happening....but it is.

I had to take some Miralax, this morning....haven't gone in a few days. It'll be all good by this afternoon, though! I can pee just fine, on my own, but my bowels seem to need assistance....I think that system forgot how to function, after my surgery! LOL!!

Yesterday was a rather emotional day, for me....I'm missing my hubby, and all my kids. I keep in contact with my kids, through Facebook, but I miss seeing them. It was nice to have seen all three of them, when I was in the hospital....even though the circumstances weren't all that great.

I hope today is a better day!!

Noticing Myself

Written Aug 18, 2012 3:47pm

This is the second Saturday, that I've needed a nap....it happened last Saturday, too; and I seem to nap for about 3 - 3 1/2 hours. I have chemo on Thursdays....could it be fatigue? I didn't eat lunch, before my nap, this time....and in a little over 2 hours, we'll be having supper.

End of the Day

Written Aug 18, 2012 8:05pm

I ate a little bit around 4pm, and we had supper around 6pm....and even though I had a nap, I still feel worn out; so I'm thinking this must be the side effects of the chemo. I pray that this is the only side effect I have to endure! Just being tired, all day long, is no fun....I don't want to know what dealing with any other side effects, on top of this one, might feel like!

Have a wonderful evening....see you, tomorrow!

Just an Update

Written Aug 19, 2012 10:10am

When I began taking Tamoxifen, I was instructed on what the side effects might be....swollen feet and ankles (got it!), nausea (nope), fatigue (got it), hot flashes (not even one!), etc.

Hot flashes were pointed out repetitively, because this pill can cause menopausal symptoms...but I haven't had any, thank God!! They also stressed that I need to notify my Oncologist if I skip my period, for the same reason. I had one, while I was at the hospital, in July; and my wait is over! I started, this morning! Yay!!

Never in my life, as a woman, have I ever been happy to see my period happen; until now! LOL!! But, I know now, my body is not going menopausal...praise God!!

Late Start to the Day

Written Aug 20, 2012 8:29am

When I got up around 4am, this morning, I decided to go back to sleep for a little while, thinking I was only going to get another 2 hours.....I woke back up around 8am!

Fatigue is a wonderful thing! LOL!! (sometimes)

Good Morning!

Written Aug 21, 2012 7:30am

I didn't take a nap, yesterday, because I had slept in....but this morning is no fun, at all!

It seems that my body is still trying to form a normal sleep pattern. For the last couple days, I've enjoyed 7 consecutive hours of sleep....last night was a different story. I went to bed around 9:30pm, and only slept for 4 hours! I've been awake ever since.

I hope my body allows me a nap (or two) today! I could certainly use one!

~~~~~~~~

That was the last journal entry...and to this day, my body is still trying to find its rhythm. I'm able to do almost everything I was able to do, before this all started, but I have a loooong way to go, before I'm back to normal. And, I may never be that level of normal, from what I'm being told.

There may be a new normal for me, in my future! And, I'm still dealing with emotional moments, from time to time. Sometimes, I don't even need a reason...I just start crying.

This is when I'm thankful that I have God in my life...when I'm feeling weak and vulnerable, I can get with Him, and hide from the world, and my own emotions.

And, I still don't have all my things from that person I mentioned, in my journal...but life (and all its business) is currently taking precedence, and this time...I'm ok with that! I'll get the rest of my things, when I'm meant to be reunited with them. It's all in God's hands

This is as bald as I got, while on chemo...and in the middle of winter, it wasn't really all that fun! LOL!

I never got my wig, but I had plenty of hats!

And, this is me now....taken on my birthday (Feb. 27)!

This photo was taken with my new camera! My birthday present to myself! LOL!

Thanks for letting me share this moment with you! Have a blessed day! oxoxox