The Pain of Waiting

Ohmygoodness!! As I'm writing this, I'm experiencing a monsterous cramp, in the back of my right hip! OWWW! This is what I've been dealing with for the last 5 weeks!

It all started during "Atlanta Weekend" (last weekend of June). I thought it was just a temporary thing, because during my flight from Akron to Knoxville (meeting up with my oldest daughter), my plane lost altitude, suddenly. I'm not kidding...we literally fell out of the sky! Scared all the passengers, and of course, I tensed up. Who wouldn't, right??

So, I hobbled through the weekend, expecting to get back to normal, once I returned home. I was wrong. The entire month of July, whatever this is that's happening, got progressively worse! And, I don't even know what caused it!!

What happens is like this...I feel tightness in my lower back, buttocks, hips, and thighs (kind of like a charlie horse) and while these muscles are tight, they spasm! Sometimes the spasms come first, but not always; and recently, my calves, and feet, have been twitchy, as well....so, it's spreading. At first, it only happened at night, then it began happening right around lunch time...now, I'm in the pain zone all day. I've even been woke up by charlie horse sensations, in the middle of the night! Not nice!!

I've asked my Surgeon to call in a prescription for Skelaxin, after clearing it with my Oncologist. My sister uses it, and she gave me one, one afternoon; it felt so good to move without being in pain!! And, my Oncologist said it wouldn't interfere with the chemo pill. But, I'm still waiting for my insurance company to approve the prescription! I've been waiting for about a week, now...I didn't have to wait THIS long for my Xeloda to be approved!!

This whatever it is has significantly limited my activities. It takes me twice as long as normal to get from the recliner to the bathroom, now; and traveling anywhere is agony!! I've even had to spend the night in the recliner (now I sleep there, every night), because laying down in my bed is impossible, without dealing with excruciating pain! And, until I can get some relief, I won't be very active...which, consequently, will make my condition worse...and/or cause more problems.

I've been trying to get in to see my Surgeon, so he can run some tests to see if we can (hopefully) discover what's gone wrong, but his schedule has been totally screwy, lately; he's had to reschedule me five times! Hopefully, I'll be able to see him, next week! It's been a year, since my surgery....I shouldn't be having this issue!!

Something is very wrong...and I hope it can be fixed!!

On a brighter note, I think I've found my "magic number" with my chemo pill, Xeloda! I can tolerate four pills a day, as long as they're spaced apart. So, I take two pills in the morning, and two in the evening; I just hope my Oncologist is ok with this! LOL! I'm feeling good, other than the muscle thing! And, I'm looking forward to him telling me, "it's gone!"

Have a great weekend, my loves! I'll keep you updated, as soon as I know anything!

God bless you! oxoxox

A Few Small Updates

Good morning, my loves! I just wanted to take a few minutes to update you on some things...the first "small update" is BIG news!!

My granddaughter has been born! She came into the world two days ago, and is the light of my life! Per my youngest daughter's wishes, I am not permitted to show you any pictures; but her name is Alice, and she weighed 8 lbs 2 oz at birth. She's beautiful!! And, officially speaking as a newborn Grammy...I can't wait to see my little angel; I'll be heading to Atlanta, in September, for the official meet-n-greet!

Next update....my chemo pill (Xeloda) is officially kicking my butt!! I was so tired, last night, I went to bed at 9:30pm (I can typically stay up until midnight). I've been able to tolerate four pills a day (haven't thrown up, yet); so after this bottle is empty, I'll take a break for a week, and start the next bottle, taking five pills a day.

My Oncologist wants to try and get me back up to six pills a day, if I can tolerate it. So far, on this reduced dose, the only side effects I'm experiencing are some minor hair loss and serious fatigue.

Last update...still praying that God will open doors for me to be able to move to Knoxville, by the end of the year. Of course, I understand that it's all about His timing, not mine. But, I've discovered that most of the apartments I qualify for have dishwashers, and some have washer/dryer hookups!

I've also discovered that there's a "Whole Foods" type store in the Knoxville area that will take food stamps (being on disability, I had to go on food stamps to be able to feed myself); and I'll be living within the city limits, so I'll be able to take the bus wherever I need to go...which will come in handy, since I don't own a vehicle! LOL!

I'm totally excited about the new life God has planned for me! And, I'm completely grateful that He continues to give me another day! I'm blessed beyond measure, and glad I can share my life with you!!

Have a great day!! oxoxox

Oops...My Life, a Month Later

Good morning! The last Blog I wrote was on June 10, 2013; it's exactly one month later. Sorry for the extended absence, I’m afraid I've had a case of writer’s block! LOL!

Not so, today…for the past two nights, I've had the same dream. In this dream, the last thing someone says to me is, “You've got your family, your friends, even your fans online….we (pointing to his wife, and himself) don’t have anyone! It’s just us!” and then, the dream fades away. I don't know who they are, or even if they're actual people; but what he said, and how he said it, broke my heart!

He sounded rather invidious that I've got all these wonderful people in my life, to support and encourage me, through whatever life throws at me. He was undeniably upset about something, although I don’t remember any other part of the dream. I also thought it was interesting that I've had this same dream, two nights in a row; so, I prayed for him and his wife, not even knowing if they were real people. I asked God to open their hearts to the truth, and show them that because they have each other, they have all they need; then I prayed that someone would come into their lives and share the love of Christ with them, so that if they're not saved they would have that opportunity….and make a new friend, to add to their support system, in the process.

I also prayed that, whatever situation they were facing that had them so distressed, would be resolved; and that God would show them favor. It’s a real blessing to be shown the favor of the Lord! I wish I could remember the rest of the dream…I could pray through their situation, if I could remember what was happening to them! Oh, well…if they are real people, and are going through something real, God can take care of it!

This recurrent dream of mine, got me thinking about my own situation, with breast cancer. I am so blessed to have such a strong support system in my family, my friends, and even you!! I want you to know, I truly appreciate having you in my life!

Having breast cancer has become more a blessing in disguise, than a curse; not only have I learned what it takes to take care of myself the way God intended, but He also opened the door for me to share this information with you, and the rest of the world. He continues to open doors for me, blessing me with much more than I deserve...and I am grateful!

I’m reminded of what the doctor at the hospital said, the day he told me “Yep, it’s breast cancer, and it’s in Stage 4”, he also said “This is what you’ll die from”. It’s been a year, folks…I was diagnosed on July 3, 2012!! I’m still alive and well, today, because God’s got a plan for my life, and He’s not done yet!

And, since I'm here, I may as well update you...I'm on another cycle of chemo. This one's a pill called Xeloda; I started taking them the last week of June, and I'm supposed to take six pills...three in the morning, and three at night. I quickly found out that that was too much to handle!

During the last weekend of June, my girls and I spent time together. It was an interesting weekend (possibly another Blog post); on that Friday, I was throwing up all day! I stopped taking the Xeloda, and realized that what was happening to me was a side effect; so I went without, for the rest of the weekend.

These two pictures are of the skyline, outside our hotel room. Isn't it gorgeous??

I got home on Monday (July 1st) and began taking a significantly reduced dose of this drug; my Oncologist had suggested that I could reduce the dosage, on pill at a time, if I got sick on the six pills a day. However, I really didn't feel comfortable experimenting on myself, like that! I don't want to keep throwing up until I've found the "magic" number! So, I reduced my dosage to one pill in the morning, and another at night. I'm not throwing up, and I feel pretty good!

I have an appointment with him, this Friday, and will be discussing my experiences on this drug. He may want me to increase the dose to the point of getting sick, and then back down, just so we can see how strong a dose I can handle, since I'm supposed to be taking six pills a day. But, I can't speculate...I'll just have to wait until Friday and see what he says. I'll make sure to keep you updated on all of that!

Hey, I'm going to go tackle my day, now. I haven't been up for that long, but I'm feeling like it's time for breakfast! LOL! You have a fantastic day, today...and may God bless you, abundantly!!

Survival Update

Although I've been on hiatus for a bit, I thought I should still keep all of you in the loop about things. An Oncology update, and an interesting  opportunity, are on tap this morning!

I saw my Oncologist, yesterday, to discuss further treatment options due to the growth of a few tumors...he said it was more a couple lymph nodes and a tumor; he even showed me where they were, using his own torso as a model. A node in my left armpit, one in my breast bone, and a tumor in my upper lumbar region have given him reason to discuss another round of chemo with me.

I agreed with him, and will be taking this round in pill form! I'll be able to do this at home, and can take the pills with me for my back-to-back trips to Atlanta, coming soon! The drug I'll be taking is called Xeloda (Capecitabine); I was told, this is a drug that only targets the tumors...my healthy cells will remain relatively unharmed!! Yay!!

I've also discovered that, thanks to my "detour", I've gained a few pounds back! Not happy!! My sister made an observation, as well; she said she noticed that ever since I went back to conventional/cooked foods, I've spent almost every day in my pajamas, and don't go outside much. She said, when I was eating my raw, whole foods regimen I was dressed almost every day and couldn't wait to get outside! I can't wait to get my teeth fixed, and get back on track!!

Now, on to the interesting opportunity...my oldest daughter recently joined Mary Kay, as an Independent Beauty Consultant. She's taking the world by storm, too...so proud of her! LOL!!

During a text conversation I was having with her, a few days back, I mentioned that I was praying about signing on with Mary Kay, myself. I certainly don't want to stay on disability, for the rest of my life...I don't do well with fixed incomes! And, there are too many things on my Life List (f/k/a: My Bucket List) that will require more money than my disability check can afford me.

When I mentioned this prayer concern to her, she answered back that she was also praying about my signing on...as part of her team! LOL! I had no idea!!

I've since had a conference call with her, and her Director, to get more familiar with the business; and, I'm now praying about if I should sign on now, which would help me save up money for my move to Knoxville, TN....or wait until I get moved, and then sign on. I just want to make sure I'm following the path that God wants me on!

I hope this Blog entry finds you well; I'll be back in full swing, soon! God bless!! oxoxox

Don't Worry, Be Happy (Part 2)

A few weeks ago, I wrote a Blog about what worrying does to your health; I was planning to touch on that subject a bit more. However, I'm getting the feeling I should take this in another direction...so I will! LOL! You can read that Blog, here.

The other day, some of my new friends blessed me by telling me I was an inspiration...one of them specifically said it was because I can keep a positive attitude, even at a low point.

I just want you all to know how honored I am that you are a part of my journey! I may have only met you a short time ago, but I consider you all very good friends; and I'm thankful, and I bless God, for having you in my life! LOL!

I don't know why/how I'm able to stay so up-beat, except to say it is by the grace of God. I've had some pretty low points, these past 8 months...the first one being the day my Oncologist told me I was going to die from Stage 4 Breast Cancer. Instead of bursting into tears, as would've been the expected reaction, I looked at him and calmly stated "No, I won't." I'm only in my early 40s....dying is not on my Bucket List! LOL!

And throughout my time with Physical Therapy, I got frustrated with my newly disabled body (quite a number of times) because I couldn't do specific things that I was able to do, before the surgery. I couldn't walk, I was hooked up to a catheter for days before I was able to get out of bed to use the bedside commode; I couldn't even lift a 4-lb dumbbell over my head! I never realized just how much was impossible, or phenomenally difficult to do, until I had the experience, first hand!

Learning to walk again was frustrating, all by itself...I've been walking since I was toddler! I know I can do it, so why was it so hard, now?? I guess that's one of the reasons they call it "major surgery"; not only did they remove a part of my spinal column, but my body was thrown into shock, and I had to re-establish myself, as a capable human being.

I spent more time in one of these, than I cared to; but I was thankful to have one!

As I progressed in my healing, the hospital staff and the staff at the rehab center were all completely amazed at how quickly I was getting along. Apparently, I wasn't supposed to be able to do as much as I showed them I could do! LOL! And everyone enjoyed my infectiously good mood! Even on my bad days, I took it all in stride; everyone's going to have a bad day, now and then. What you do with it, is what counts the most!

Even my Physical Therapist was amazed at my progress; the day I walked for a solid 20 minutes, on the treadmill, she beamed at me and said "you are awesome...good job!" I still have a long way to go...but I've definitely come a long way, in this short time!

Now, I could easily focus on everything I've gone through, and lost, these past few months (I've been diagnosed with a terminal illness, my husband left me, I'm homeless, I have no job, I have nothing to leave my kids when I die, I'm disabled, etc) But I've learned to focus on what's right, in my life, rather than what's wrong.

Here's a small list of what I choose to focus on, and be thankful for...

• My senses work; I can see, taste, touch, hear and smell
• My nerve endings work; and they keep me mindful of what I've done to myself! LOL!!
• I can breathe...I'm alive!
• I can smile, cry, laugh, etc.
• I am fearfully and wonderfully made! (Psalm 139:14)
• I have a roof over my head, clothes on my body and food in my belly! (thanks to my sister!)
• I have a bed to sleep in! (thanks to my sister!)
• I have friends and family members who love me, and are standing by me as I fight!

Every day I wake up, is another day to be thankful for what I have, instead of being focused on what's wrong. I am determined to live, folks; and I am determined to stay upbeat and positive, regardless of where life takes me! I will fight for my life for as long as I can; and, with God's grace, I will complete my Bucket List in its entirety. My life is in God's hands, and He's got plans for me!

Oh...and I have something else to add to my Bucket List. I'm going to be a first-time Grandma, this July; my youngest daughter is due July 25th! So, I added "Become the World's Greatest Grammy" to my list! LOL! Life is good!!

Here's the video that started my whole philosophy...

Have a blessed day! oxoxox

My New Best Friend - Dr. David Brownstein

Yesterday, we didn't get the mail until after my sister and I came home from meeting with our church group. I was pleased to see that the biggest piece of mail was for me! I got a book, and a series of newsletters from Dr. David Brownstein, M.D., and have been digging through them, this morning! LOL!

I do believe, there will be a series dedicated to the information I garner from the book, and the newsletters! Not sure how long this series will be, but this should be fun! Already, I'm blown away by some of the things I'm learning! LOL!

Dr. David Brownstein is a Board-Certified (not sure what that means) family physician; and, apparently, he's one of the foremost practitioners of holistic medicine. His website says so! He's got a plethora of information on a wide variety of health issues; and he's got a Blog, too!

My next Blog will be about the lies we've been fed about a particular health food. And, yes...the pun was intended.

Stay tuned for further developments!!

I'm so mad, I could spit nails!!

This doesn't have anything to do with my fighting breast cancer, but it does have to do with my survival. I've learned to be a fighter, thanks to my recent diagnosis, and the fighter has come out in full force as a result of yesterday's elementary school massacre!! The kid gloves are OFF!!

I posted a Note on Facebook, this afternoon...and decided to share it with you. Please forgive me, while I rant...

"Give Me Liberty, or Give Me Death!" ~ Patrick Henry

2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

The Scripture I gave you is in reference to farming not-so-productive crops; but, in this day and age, it applies to our society on SOOOO many levels! Here, let me show you…

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof . . . ." the 1st Amendment of the US Constitution

Congress shall make NO law...prohibiting the free exercise of religion. And yet, Congress as passed laws that say Christians are not allowed to pray, or read their Bibles, in any other building except a church building!! Sounds like THEY broke their OWN RULES!!

"Separation of church and state" is NOWHERE in the Constitution...it was a statement made by Thomas Jefferson, in a letter he wrote! He said, "I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should "make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof," thus building a wall of separation between Church & State."

What the 1st Amendment was originally intended for was to keep the government from setting up a Church State…an official “one world” belief system… a government funded, government sponsored, “if you don’t believe the way we tell you to, you’ll go to jail” belief system. It was never intended to be a battering ram for the US government to use, to stop religion from being practiced, in public places. And yet, we let them do that to us!!

Our beloved government has used the term “Separation of Church and State” to ban the practice of Christianity in everyday life; thus, “prohibiting the free exercise thereof”, which is NOT what the 1st Amendment was for!!! Before God was kicked out of school, the Bible was used as an every day TEXT BOOK, right along side a child's History book, and Math book!

Now, I’m not saying you don’t have the right to practice your religion…you absolutely do! You also have the right to not practice any religion...this country is called "The Great Melting Pot" because of its diversity! But NONE of us have the right to get offended at anyone, for practicing their religion!! That would be “prohibiting the free exercise thereof”…which would make the offended person no better than the lawmakers who changed the rules!! Granted, the religion that was practiced, when the Constitution was penned out, was Christianity; but the 1st Amendment now applies to other religions, practiced in the USA, too!

Speaking of the establishment of a Church State…have you noticed that more and more school districts are beginning to teach that Allah is the Almighty God (it started in Texas, from what I hear). They’re also banning more and more culture from our children’s lives…book banning, printing “revised” editions of History books (they’re revised so that no one learns REAL history). Don’t believe me?? Take a History book from your parent’s generation, and one from your child’s generation, and compare them…you’ll see!!

Cultural dummies are what we’ve become! What "great works of literature" were children required to read, as part of their curriculum, back in the 1940s? Most books that have been banned since that decade were done so because of sexual content, foul language, racist remarks, or violence. How many movies have you, or your children, seen that contain any of those elements?? Why is it ok to watch those elements unfold within the context of a movie, but reading about them within the context of a book is not??

Judy Blume once said "Let children read whatever they want and then talk about it with them. If parents and kids can talk together, we won't have as much censorship because we won't have as much fear."

We have become a society that allows our government to decide what’s not acceptable for our children, and for us. We’ve stopped being parents; we’ve also stopped being citizens!! Eventually, we’ll all stop being free, as well. Look up the definition for the word “tyranny”.

The government has never stripped this country of it’s rights, all at once…they’ve done it little by little, masking it as something necessary for the common good of all. And, we’ve fallen for it, EVERY time!! And, until we WAKE UP…we will continue to agree with our government officials that “this isn’t fair”, “that’s a violation”, and “thus-n-so is offensive”.

Back in the day, if you were offended by me, for any reason at all, you were told to shut up and deal with it…now-a-days, if you’re offended by me, for any reason at all, it’s my responsibility to change who I am, so you’ll feel more comfortable around me. Being offended has become a civil liberty…WHAT???? (refer back to my previous statements on the 1st Amendment)

I’ve also noticed, as a result of the elementary school massacre, yesterday, there are a LOT of people insisting that the government take away our right to bare arms (I’ve been watching the President’s Facebook page). Ok, I don’t know about you, but I’m sure the criminals of this country would just give up and surrender their firearms, if they were told it’s illegal to own them (note the sarcasm, please). C’mon folks, get real please! If our government makes it illegal to own any sort of firearm, in this country, all of us law-abiding citizens will be left defenseless against the citizens who have no regard for the law!!

Certain drugs are illegal, and yet they’re sold on the black market, every day!! Human trafficking is illegal…but it still happens!! Murder, robbery, rape, extortion, etc are all illegal…and yet, crime is a sad and unfortunate reality! Criminals DON’T obey laws!!! What will end, or at least curb, crime in this country are harsher punishments for the criminals, and more freedom for us to defend ourselves against them!!

When it was the “norm” to defend yourself against criminals, there were fewer of them. Now that they can sue you, or call the cops on you, for defending yourself against them…they’re EVERYWHERE!! And they have more rights, under the law, than we do!! Our government sees to it that criminals are pampered, while in jail. Isn’t a jail sentence supposed to be a punishment??

Now, don’t get me wrong! I’m all for “innocent until proven guilty”, but for all those who on death row…if they haven’t proven their innocence within the course of the first 10 years, they are obviously guilty!! The government needs to stop wasting taxpayer money, keeping death row inmates comfortable, and alive!! They’ve been sentenced to death…NOT “life in prison”!!

A man by the name of Ronald Post killed a female motel clerk almost 30 years ago…he confessed to it, too. He was put on death row, and is now fighting his execution (set for 1/16/13). His claim is that being executed would be “cruel and unusual punishment” due to his weighing around 450 lbs. He gained 200 lbs, while on death row, and cited that he might break the death chamber gurney, or that his executioners might not be able to find his veins, for the lethal injection. Wait…he’s asking for compassion and leniency??? Where was HIS compassion, when he decided to kill that woman??

Do you see? We’ve been reaping what we’ve been sowing, through the years; and the only way to heal our land (our country) is to do what God says in 2 Chronicles 7:14. The moral fiber of this once great country has decayed almost beyond recognition. Criminals, and society in general, have been allowed to abuse the system ever since our government decided that fair wasn’t really fair, and changed the rules! The squeaky wheel gets the grease, people!! If we want to get back to practicing our right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, where good “old fashioned” morals are the norm, WE have to start getting louder!!!

Who’s with me???