Hello. My name is Melissa Lee; and I’m an Addict.

I’m what’s known as an emotional eater…I eat when I’m sad, when I’m nervous, when I’m stressed out, and even when I’m happy. I don’t eat, because my body needs nourishment…I eat because it feels good. I've struggled with this most of my life; and even more so, now that I've been diagnosed with a terminal illness.

I recently watched a video (there's an article, too), detailing how the food industry cons us into eating the things that we know aren't good for us, but we find ourselves powerless against the cravings for these things; pizza, chips, fried foods, the Value Meal, macaroni and cheese, snack cakes, soda pop, etc. They are chemically altered, on purpose, to get us addicted to them. And, I’m an addict. On this video, they interview a fellow addict, and she briefly discusses how difficult it is to abstain from all of these gloriously wonderful foods. Trust me, she’s not kidding! I encourage you to check it out!

Father God, please forgive me… I've fallen off the wagon, again! My sister said to me, the other day, “there’s no reason why you can’t enjoy a treat, once in a blue moon”. Under normal circumstances, she’d be right…one slice of pizza, one small fry, or a small handful of chips, won’t hurt at all; and everyone knows you should never deprive yourself. That’s the easiest way to fail.

Unless you’re me; the easiest way to fail, in my case, would be to indulge…even if it’s just a small amount. In my case, it would be like telling an alcoholic that one little glass of wine, with dinner, isn't going to hurt. Everyone knows, to give an alcoholic ANY alcoholic beverage…even just a sip…is to set him back in his recovery, and will cause him to fall, again. And, I've been indulging, lately.

I don’t have the will power to stop at just a small amount. I've been indulging, from time to time, because there are those things in my sister’s house…and I've noticed I've been wanting more, and more. I've got to stop! I don’t want to “die happy” as so many people have said, when faced with the responsibility of giving up their junk food…they’d rather die happy. I’d rather LIVE happy, thank you very much! And, eating any amount of junk food is a trap, for me. I've got to stop myself!!

I can feel myself slipping back into old habits…and, I don’t want to go there!! I don’t want to die from Breast Cancer!! You don’t understand….I CAN’T say “No!”, unless I don’t see it. If I know it’s there, I want it; if I want it, I’ll eat it. I've been doing pretty good, so far; but I feel like I could be doing much better. And, just because someone who loves me gives me permission to indulge on rare occasion, doesn't mean I should. Father God, I need your help!!

Here’s a picture of me, before I was diagnosed. I weighed 251 lbs. This is what giving in to those foods has done to me…because I can’t stop at just a small amount.

I had my sister take a picture of me, this morning; it's been a little over a year, between photos. The darker hair, in the first picture, was a dye job.

Today, I weight 231 lbs. I don’t think my body has changed all that much, but I feel different; and I do look smaller, in comparison.  I can sense that changes are taking place, and I don’t want to ruin that, by going back into my old habits. I want to document my weight loss, because that’s part of my recovery journey. Losing weight will help in preventing a recurrence.

Now, I don’t fault my sister for trying…she means well; and love her for trying to make sense out of a situation that clearly doesn't. But, I know what my weaknesses are, and I know what I have to do to keep from falling off the wagon, again. I also know, I can’t do this without God! In 2 Corinthians 12:9, the Bible says “And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.”

That’s me…I’m a weakling; a mere mortal. I know this, I’ve accepted this, and I can use this to bring glory to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

This is a list of some of the triggers I've had to come face to face with, lately…

•  I have Stage 4 Breast Cancer
• My estranged husband is being difficult (Lee is my maiden name)
•  I’m making plans to move south, but I’m not sure if I’m going to TN, or to GA (I have family in both states)
• I also don’t know how I’m going to get there, or how I’m going to go from homeless & broke, to self-sufficient & independent
• I want to have a job, but my doctors have me on disability, which hinders that whole independence thing
•  I need to get to the gym, so I can lose weight; but I’m dependent on a driver who doesn't like driving in bad weather (we've had a lot of that, lately)

As you can see, there’s really not a lot for me to stress out about (LOL!). Oy! I know God never gives us more than we can handle, but sometimes I wish He didn’t have so much confidence in me! LOL!!

This too, shall pass!!

Thanks for listening today. Have a blessed day, everyone!! oxoxox