I was encouraged to start a journal on a site called CaringBridge, as a means to allow my friends and family access to my daily struggles and triumphs; I didn't use it for long, because I found that journaling on Facebook was a better avenue.
I wanted to take you folks back to that time, since you've only known me for a short while. So, I'll post my journal entries from CaringBridge for you to see. By the time I started this journal, I was out of the hospital and living with my sister.
Welcome to my journey!
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My Journey
Written Aug 7, 2012 2:12pm
First journal entry!
Ok...further updates. I had surgery, on July 11, 2012, to remove my 5th lumbar vertebrae because it had become diseased. The cancer in my body had metastasized and moved into my lymph nodes and down my spine, before it was discovered. I have what they call a "cage" in the place where my vertebrae used to be (I also discovered that I have 6 lumbar vertebrae, instead of 5, like the body is supposed to have! LOL!).
So, in 4 days, it will be a month since the surgery...and I'm still recovering from it! I was told it would take a decent amount of time for everything to heal, so I'm expecting a couple more months of pain, discomfort and strict limitations. No big deal!
I'm also going to be starting chemo treatments at the end of this week. I've already been briefed on what to expect, what the side effects might be, etc; not sure what to think about the possibility of being bald! LOL! My appetite might be affected by it, as well....I sure hope not, because I love food!! But, we'll cross that bridge, when we get to it.
I hope you follow me on my journey, as I battle and conquer this disease! I will live on...I'm going to survive!!
Ok...further updates. I had surgery, on July 11, 2012, to remove my 5th lumbar vertebrae because it had become diseased. The cancer in my body had metastasized and moved into my lymph nodes and down my spine, before it was discovered. I have what they call a "cage" in the place where my vertebrae used to be (I also discovered that I have 6 lumbar vertebrae, instead of 5, like the body is supposed to have! LOL!).
So, in 4 days, it will be a month since the surgery...and I'm still recovering from it! I was told it would take a decent amount of time for everything to heal, so I'm expecting a couple more months of pain, discomfort and strict limitations. No big deal!
I'm also going to be starting chemo treatments at the end of this week. I've already been briefed on what to expect, what the side effects might be, etc; not sure what to think about the possibility of being bald! LOL! My appetite might be affected by it, as well....I sure hope not, because I love food!! But, we'll cross that bridge, when we get to it.
I hope you follow me on my journey, as I battle and conquer this disease! I will live on...I'm going to survive!!
My Bucket List
Written Aug 7, 2012 5:15pm
This is a work in progress; as I think of things I will be doing, before I die, I'll add to the list!
- Live to be 92 years old
- Visit Ireland, Scotland and Wales (my heritage)
- Become a "clothes horse"
- Write a book and get it published
- Grow a flower garden, and a veggie garden
- Take up pottery
- Become self-employed and be successful at it
- See a Broadway play
- Visit, or be visited by, all of my family members (both sides!)
- See Duran Duran and Def Leppard in concert (my 2 favorite secular bands!)
- Be used by God to change someone's life (for the better, of course!)
Good Morning!!
Written Aug 8, 2012 6:02am
I woke up, this morning, around 5:15am...in serious pain!! When the pain gets real bad, I can't potty as well as I need to; and my entire midsection is bigger than normal. It's really no fun!!
As soon as I was able, I took some Ibuprofen...and I'm still in considerable pain, at this moment. I've had to liken the pain to carrying an elephant around my middle. Sometimes the elephant isn't so big....sometimes it's huge! The hospital has a numeric system to rate the pain...1 is not bad at all, all the way up to 10, being the worst pain you've ever felt. This morning, the elephant was a "size" 8.
When I'm in that much pain, it's hard to move around, too; I'm not very good on my feet, and very slow. Ah, the joys of recovering from major surgery! LOL! I'm sure I'll be fine, once the Ibuprofen kicks in....but waiting for that moment isn't any fun, either!
This afternoon, I get my Medi-port put in; I've been told that it's normally put in in the chest, for adults. No problem...when I undergoing surgery, I had what's called a central line put in, on the left side of my chest. For the purposes of chemo, they may decide to put the port in on the right side.
Stay tuned....more updates as the day progresses!
As soon as I was able, I took some Ibuprofen...and I'm still in considerable pain, at this moment. I've had to liken the pain to carrying an elephant around my middle. Sometimes the elephant isn't so big....sometimes it's huge! The hospital has a numeric system to rate the pain...1 is not bad at all, all the way up to 10, being the worst pain you've ever felt. This morning, the elephant was a "size" 8.
When I'm in that much pain, it's hard to move around, too; I'm not very good on my feet, and very slow. Ah, the joys of recovering from major surgery! LOL! I'm sure I'll be fine, once the Ibuprofen kicks in....but waiting for that moment isn't any fun, either!
This afternoon, I get my Medi-port put in; I've been told that it's normally put in in the chest, for adults. No problem...when I undergoing surgery, I had what's called a central line put in, on the left side of my chest. For the purposes of chemo, they may decide to put the port in on the right side.
Stay tuned....more updates as the day progresses!
The Day Begins
Written Aug 8, 2012 10:30am
Breakfast....check! Shower, and dressed.....check x 2! Notice how big the elephant is....check (it's a size 4, now! Yay!) An elephant (the level of pain I'm in) under a size 6 is tolerable....anything higher than a 6, and it's NOT NICE!!
By the way....have I mentioned how much I don't like shoes?? Thanks to a medication I'm taking (Tamoxifen) my feet swell up super huge, which makes it uncomfortable to wear socks and shoes. This medication has a long list of side effects, of course, but it's job is to shrink the mass in my left breast. As a result of the swelling in my feet, I've learned to only wear socks and shoes, when I have to go somewhere...if I'm staying home, I'm barefoot! <3
I'll update, again, when I get home from my Medi-port appointment!
By the way....have I mentioned how much I don't like shoes?? Thanks to a medication I'm taking (Tamoxifen) my feet swell up super huge, which makes it uncomfortable to wear socks and shoes. This medication has a long list of side effects, of course, but it's job is to shrink the mass in my left breast. As a result of the swelling in my feet, I've learned to only wear socks and shoes, when I have to go somewhere...if I'm staying home, I'm barefoot! <3
I'll update, again, when I get home from my Medi-port appointment!
Medi-port Appointment
Written Aug 8, 2012 5:47pm
Just got home, and my appointment was at 12:45pm! Tons of paperwork, of course...and more incisions!! The Tech who put my port in stuck me 4 times with Lidocaine....OWWWWW!! She was great, though....talked me though the whole process, as she was doing it.
She went through my neck, to find the right vein for the port (that was painful, too!); and she apologized every time I yelled "Ow!" My port is purple!!! :D
It's threaded up my neck, then down toward my heart. I have two more scars in the making, thanks to this procedure! LOL! My neck feels like it's 4 feet thick, and it's super sore from being still for an hour, during the procedure (I had to look off to my left, the whole time I was on the table).
I was given a list of instructions on how to care for the incisions, and what to do for swelling and pain, etc. And now, I think I'm gonna go lay down on my bed, for a while.....it's been a LOOOOOOONG day!!
Love ya!!
She went through my neck, to find the right vein for the port (that was painful, too!); and she apologized every time I yelled "Ow!" My port is purple!!! :D
It's threaded up my neck, then down toward my heart. I have two more scars in the making, thanks to this procedure! LOL! My neck feels like it's 4 feet thick, and it's super sore from being still for an hour, during the procedure (I had to look off to my left, the whole time I was on the table).
I was given a list of instructions on how to care for the incisions, and what to do for swelling and pain, etc. And now, I think I'm gonna go lay down on my bed, for a while.....it's been a LOOOOOOONG day!!
Love ya!!
Good Morning!!
Written Aug 9, 2012 7:02am
Up at 6am...still in my jammies, as I write this! LOL!
Today, I have chemo class, at 9am, so I can learn all about the type of chemo drug(s) I'll be getting through my port, what the purpose is, any side effects I should look for, etc. Excited about this!!
But, I think I should go get dressed, and eat my breakfast, before it's too late! LOL!! I will give you another update, when I get home from class!
Today, I have chemo class, at 9am, so I can learn all about the type of chemo drug(s) I'll be getting through my port, what the purpose is, any side effects I should look for, etc. Excited about this!!
But, I think I should go get dressed, and eat my breakfast, before it's too late! LOL!! I will give you another update, when I get home from class!
Chemo Class
Written Aug 9, 2012 11:00am
Home, again!
Chemo class was uber informative! (my head is swimming!) And....the info packet they gave me is in a PURPLE file binder!! :D I love how God is giving me all this purple stuff, to keep me in good spirits, because He knows purple is my favorite color! <3
I'll only be receiving one chemo drug (Taxol), instead of a combo...yay! Most likely, I'll start going bald within about 2-3 weeks, so I was also given some info on where to get a great wig (always wanted to own a wig!) My treatments will be once a week, for 3 weeks, and then off for a week....don't know how many months I'll be getting treatments, but I can always ask my Oncologist, when I see him next time.
I was even told that I'd be allowed to bring in a laptop, because the hospital has Wifi, so I'll be able to keep you all updated as my appointment lingers.
Chemo class was uber informative! (my head is swimming!) And....the info packet they gave me is in a PURPLE file binder!! :D I love how God is giving me all this purple stuff, to keep me in good spirits, because He knows purple is my favorite color! <3
I'll only be receiving one chemo drug (Taxol), instead of a combo...yay! Most likely, I'll start going bald within about 2-3 weeks, so I was also given some info on where to get a great wig (always wanted to own a wig!) My treatments will be once a week, for 3 weeks, and then off for a week....don't know how many months I'll be getting treatments, but I can always ask my Oncologist, when I see him next time.
I was even told that I'd be allowed to bring in a laptop, because the hospital has Wifi, so I'll be able to keep you all updated as my appointment lingers.
Just an Update
Written Aug 9, 2012 3:42pm
Wowwie.....my neck hurts! The incision spots on my neck and chest are itchy, and the one on my neck is painful! They should both be healed up in a few days, but in the mean time....owww!!
I can also add burping to the list of bodily functions that now hurt! I just did, a few minutes ago, and it hurt my neck!! Love the fact that my nerve endings work....thank You, God!!! LOL!
I can also add burping to the list of bodily functions that now hurt! I just did, a few minutes ago, and it hurt my neck!! Love the fact that my nerve endings work....thank You, God!!! LOL!
Sleepless Night
Written Aug 10, 2012 7:05am
I've been up since 4:20am, and was up and down all night, last night! (it's 7:05am) Don't know why, either!
Today is my first chemo treatment, and I'd like to be well rested when I go....I hope I can get some sleep, before I have to leave! If not, I'm gonna be napping in the treatment chair! LOL!
Hopefully, my body won't be bombarded by side effects, either...the Tamoxifen has a laundry list of them, but I've only experienced two, and they're not interfering with anything. So....let's hope that my body can handle the chemo drug just as well! Some of the side effects of Taxol sound scary, and painful!! I encourage you to read up on it!
Now, the first thing they're going to do, when I get to my appointment, is draw blood to make sure I'm well enough to get the drug...they'll do this at every treatment. If I'm not well enough for a treatment, at any time, it will be postponed until my body can handle it. I've also been told that my blood count will be at its lowest 7-10 days after treatment, so I may have to get these treatments every other week, instead of every week for three weeks. We'll see!
I'm gonna go eat some breakfast, and see if I can get some more sleep....further updates, as they occur!
Today is my first chemo treatment, and I'd like to be well rested when I go....I hope I can get some sleep, before I have to leave! If not, I'm gonna be napping in the treatment chair! LOL!
Hopefully, my body won't be bombarded by side effects, either...the Tamoxifen has a laundry list of them, but I've only experienced two, and they're not interfering with anything. So....let's hope that my body can handle the chemo drug just as well! Some of the side effects of Taxol sound scary, and painful!! I encourage you to read up on it!
Now, the first thing they're going to do, when I get to my appointment, is draw blood to make sure I'm well enough to get the drug...they'll do this at every treatment. If I'm not well enough for a treatment, at any time, it will be postponed until my body can handle it. I've also been told that my blood count will be at its lowest 7-10 days after treatment, so I may have to get these treatments every other week, instead of every week for three weeks. We'll see!
I'm gonna go eat some breakfast, and see if I can get some more sleep....further updates, as they occur!
Naps Are a Wonderful Thing!
Written Aug 10, 2012 9:25am
I got some sleep!!! I also figured out what it was that kept me up most of the night....I had consumed four glasses of water, between 6pm - 9pm, last night. Three trips to the bathroom, in the middle of the night, and my body thought 4:30am would be a good time to get up and stay up!! LOL!
Need to finish my mid-morning breakfast...I'm sure my sister wants to leave on time, since my appointment is for 11am. TTYL!!
Need to finish my mid-morning breakfast...I'm sure my sister wants to leave on time, since my appointment is for 11am. TTYL!!
In the Office
Written Aug 10, 2012 11:11am
Waiting for the Nurse to come take my blood....can't start the treatment, until they know I'm healthy enough! My blood pressure is a tad high, too....hhmmmm....I wonder why! LOL!
Late Update
Written Aug 10, 2012 9:09pm
Sorry guys....I didn't have a chance to update, after I came home, this evening. So...here it is!
When I got to my chemo appointment, I had a huge stack of paperwork to fill out; then, they drew my blood....my levels are great!! After the results from the blood tests came back, they gave me some pre-meds, to help combat any possible reactions to the chemo drug...I reacted more to the pre-meds than I did to the chemo! One of them was Benadryl....I had fun with that one! LOL!!
The treatment, itself, only lasted an hour....but, we were there from 11am - 3pm, as a result of the whole process. Next week's treatment won't be such a long experience, because I won't have to fill out any more paperwork....just a pain management survey, blood work, and the treatment (if my levels are strong enough).
And now...it's my bedtime! So, I will post another journal entry, when I get up, tomorrow! Good night, and God bless!!
Good Morning!!
Written Aug 11, 2012 8:15am
I've been up since 7am! Only got up once, in the middle of the night (between 2 - 3:30am)...I like nights like that!! LOL!
So far, so good....no side effects from the chemo drug! They said it might take a few days, so I'm watching...not that I'll have any, of course! LOL! For real, though, they said they were more concerned with me getting fatigued, than experiencing any other side effect. So, fatigue is what I'm watching for...and I may not lose my hair for a couple weeks.
And, since I've been up for this long (it's 8:15am), I think I'll go get some breakfast! See ya, later!
So far, so good....no side effects from the chemo drug! They said it might take a few days, so I'm watching...not that I'll have any, of course! LOL! For real, though, they said they were more concerned with me getting fatigued, than experiencing any other side effect. So, fatigue is what I'm watching for...and I may not lose my hair for a couple weeks.
And, since I've been up for this long (it's 8:15am), I think I'll go get some breakfast! See ya, later!
Good Morning!!
Written Aug 12, 2012 5:44am
I SLEPT ALL NIGHT!!!!
Yes, that actually IS an accomplishment for me! Typically, I'm up at least once or twice, to go to the bathroom! LOL! This is the second time, since coming home, that I've actually had a full night's sleep! Yay, me!!
Father God, thank You for seeing me though all of my accomplishments, as I regain my independence! Teach me to become more interdependent on You, as well; and, give me the boldness to speak of You, when You unction me to speak. I have a testimony, and I want the world to know how faithful You are to take care of us, even when we live our lives as if we don't need You, anymore! In Jesus' name, I pray...and give You all the glory, praise, and thanks!! Amen!
Yes, that actually IS an accomplishment for me! Typically, I'm up at least once or twice, to go to the bathroom! LOL! This is the second time, since coming home, that I've actually had a full night's sleep! Yay, me!!
Father God, thank You for seeing me though all of my accomplishments, as I regain my independence! Teach me to become more interdependent on You, as well; and, give me the boldness to speak of You, when You unction me to speak. I have a testimony, and I want the world to know how faithful You are to take care of us, even when we live our lives as if we don't need You, anymore! In Jesus' name, I pray...and give You all the glory, praise, and thanks!! Amen!
Today is a sleepy day!
Written Aug 12, 2012 1:23pm
I do believe I'm experiencing one of the side effects of the chemo drug....I'm sluggish, and tired! It started last night, around 7pm; I noticed I was super tired, and looked at the time, thinking it was bed time....not at 7pm, it's not! LOL!
Today, I've been....well....run down. If it continues, or becomes more noticeable, in the coming week, I'll know it's a side effect, and not just me. Right now....I'm going to go take a nap! zzzZZZzzz
Today, I've been....well....run down. If it continues, or becomes more noticeable, in the coming week, I'll know it's a side effect, and not just me. Right now....I'm going to go take a nap! zzzZZZzzz
The End of My Day
Written Aug 12, 2012 7:31pm
For those of you who are wondering....yes, I did nap! I was asleep for 3 hours, this afternoon! LOL! It was wonderful!!!! <3
During dinner time, I sat and talked to my sister about goals I want to attempt....one of them being taking a shower without my shower stool. I want to see if I can handle washing myself, without sitting down; I figure I could stick my feet up on the inside edge of the tub, still using my handle sponge, to wash my legs and feet. I'm gonna try that, tomorrow morning.
I'd like to attempt a whole day without my brace on, but that will have to wait until I see my surgeon again, on August 28th. This brace is almost becoming a hindrance, now that I can do so much on my own! However, I am totally thankful that braces like this exist, because it helped me get strong, when I was weakened by the surgery! Thank You, Father God!!
For dinner, I had left over fried chicken and jo-jo's from Giant Eagle....yummy!! Because I'm in the process of healing from surgery, and now with my ongoing chemo treatments, I need a ton of protein in my daily food intake; it is the building blocks of the body! I have lots of different protein sources available to me, too....whole grain pasta, meat, poultry, beans, Greek yogurt, and Boost. And I always make sure to have some form of protein with every meal!
Again, feeling tired this evening.....even though I had a 3-hour nap. I think I'll go watch some TV, until 9pm, and then take my Tamoxifen and go to bed. Thanks for keeping up with my journal; it means a lot to me to know you care about my journey!
During dinner time, I sat and talked to my sister about goals I want to attempt....one of them being taking a shower without my shower stool. I want to see if I can handle washing myself, without sitting down; I figure I could stick my feet up on the inside edge of the tub, still using my handle sponge, to wash my legs and feet. I'm gonna try that, tomorrow morning.
I'd like to attempt a whole day without my brace on, but that will have to wait until I see my surgeon again, on August 28th. This brace is almost becoming a hindrance, now that I can do so much on my own! However, I am totally thankful that braces like this exist, because it helped me get strong, when I was weakened by the surgery! Thank You, Father God!!
For dinner, I had left over fried chicken and jo-jo's from Giant Eagle....yummy!! Because I'm in the process of healing from surgery, and now with my ongoing chemo treatments, I need a ton of protein in my daily food intake; it is the building blocks of the body! I have lots of different protein sources available to me, too....whole grain pasta, meat, poultry, beans, Greek yogurt, and Boost. And I always make sure to have some form of protein with every meal!
Again, feeling tired this evening.....even though I had a 3-hour nap. I think I'll go watch some TV, until 9pm, and then take my Tamoxifen and go to bed. Thanks for keeping up with my journal; it means a lot to me to know you care about my journey!
Glad to see the sunrise!
Written Aug 13, 2012 8:20am
Had a rough night, last night....I was up twice, to go to the bathroom, and couldn't! Still waiting....
I think I'm going to write to my Mom, today; I haven't spoken to her about what's going on, and I'm sure she's heard any manner of "news" from our family's grapevine. My sister said Mom should get the low-down straight from the horse's mouth. I have to agree with her, on that!
This morning, I really wasn't in the mood to eat breakfast (feeling constipated, and all), but I did manage a small bowl of Raisin Bran. And, today I will attempt a shower, without the help of my shower stool! Should be interesting! LOL!! I'll let ya know how it goes!
I think I'm going to write to my Mom, today; I haven't spoken to her about what's going on, and I'm sure she's heard any manner of "news" from our family's grapevine. My sister said Mom should get the low-down straight from the horse's mouth. I have to agree with her, on that!
This morning, I really wasn't in the mood to eat breakfast (feeling constipated, and all), but I did manage a small bowl of Raisin Bran. And, today I will attempt a shower, without the help of my shower stool! Should be interesting! LOL!! I'll let ya know how it goes!
VICTORY!!!
Written Aug 13, 2012 12:38pm
Guess what!!! I took a shower all on my own!
My sister playfully called it a "big girl" shower....no shower stool, no assistance (getting in, getting out, drying off, etc), and the removable shower head stayed perched on its handle! I even applied lotion to my legs and feet, after I dried off.... By! My! Self!
I am super excited about this!!! If I could....I'd dance! LOL!!
When I got out of the shower, I sat on the lid of the toilet (with a towel between me and the lid), to dry my legs and feet off; then I crossed my legs in order to reach my feet and put the lotion on. Granted, when I crossed my legs to get at my feet, my leg muscles protested...and I'm feeling it, right now, as well! But, that's why my wonderful doctors prescribed Ibuprofen for me! LOL!!
You should see the big grin on my face!! <3
My sister playfully called it a "big girl" shower....no shower stool, no assistance (getting in, getting out, drying off, etc), and the removable shower head stayed perched on its handle! I even applied lotion to my legs and feet, after I dried off.... By! My! Self!
I am super excited about this!!! If I could....I'd dance! LOL!!
When I got out of the shower, I sat on the lid of the toilet (with a towel between me and the lid), to dry my legs and feet off; then I crossed my legs in order to reach my feet and put the lotion on. Granted, when I crossed my legs to get at my feet, my leg muscles protested...and I'm feeling it, right now, as well! But, that's why my wonderful doctors prescribed Ibuprofen for me! LOL!!
You should see the big grin on my face!! <3
Enjoyed the Day!
Written Aug 13, 2012 7:16pm
Had a GREAT day, today!!
In addition to the triumph of my "big girl" shower, this morning, I also walked what I think to be the equivalent of 1/2 a mile....two blocks up and back down the street, this evening. And, the difficulty I had going to the bathroom, earlier this week, is no longer a difficulty! Yay, me!!
Perfect end to the day.....breakfast!! My sister cooked eggs, bacon, home fries and toast for the two of us (her hubby's on the road....work). It was DEEEEEELISH!!! I'm sure I'll enjoy the rest of my evening, and sleep like a baby, tonight!
Good night, everyone! Love ya!!
In addition to the triumph of my "big girl" shower, this morning, I also walked what I think to be the equivalent of 1/2 a mile....two blocks up and back down the street, this evening. And, the difficulty I had going to the bathroom, earlier this week, is no longer a difficulty! Yay, me!!
Perfect end to the day.....breakfast!! My sister cooked eggs, bacon, home fries and toast for the two of us (her hubby's on the road....work). It was DEEEEEELISH!!! I'm sure I'll enjoy the rest of my evening, and sleep like a baby, tonight!
Good night, everyone! Love ya!!
Good Morning!!
Written Aug 14, 2012 6:59am
I've been up for almost an hour (it's 6:59am, now), after only getting up once during the night, to go to the bathroom! Yay! I'm also beginning to get hungry! LOL!
I noticed something odd about my legs, yesterday....it seems I've developed a rash of some kind on both of them! It doesn't itch...but it's spreading; I showed my sister, too, and she is about as clueless as I am as to what it might be. I wasn't going to mention it, at all, until I noticed the rashes had spread, last night (just on my legs, though)...must make sure to mention it to the ladies at the Cancer Center, on Thursday! I could be having a reaction to the chemo, or maybe this is a side effect. Who knows!
Anyway....time for some breakfast!
I noticed something odd about my legs, yesterday....it seems I've developed a rash of some kind on both of them! It doesn't itch...but it's spreading; I showed my sister, too, and she is about as clueless as I am as to what it might be. I wasn't going to mention it, at all, until I noticed the rashes had spread, last night (just on my legs, though)...must make sure to mention it to the ladies at the Cancer Center, on Thursday! I could be having a reaction to the chemo, or maybe this is a side effect. Who knows!
Anyway....time for some breakfast!
What a day!!
Written Aug 14, 2012 8:40pm
Another rough day, today.....bummer!
This morning, my body developed an annoying stabbing pain; it only happened once in a while, at first...then, by this afternoon, it was more frequent. By the end of my day, this stabbing pain has become a constant pain, that throbs!
I don't know why this is happening...but I sure wish it would GO AWAY!! I've taken Ibuprofen a couple times, today, but it only dulls the pain...I can still feel it. If it continues to happen, I'll be adding that to the list of things to mention at the Cancer Center.
I'm also hoping this pain doesn't keep me awake, tonight! We'll see!
This morning, my body developed an annoying stabbing pain; it only happened once in a while, at first...then, by this afternoon, it was more frequent. By the end of my day, this stabbing pain has become a constant pain, that throbs!
I don't know why this is happening...but I sure wish it would GO AWAY!! I've taken Ibuprofen a couple times, today, but it only dulls the pain...I can still feel it. If it continues to happen, I'll be adding that to the list of things to mention at the Cancer Center.
I'm also hoping this pain doesn't keep me awake, tonight! We'll see!
Good Morning!!
Written Aug 15, 2012 5:52am
Well....I think it is, anyway! I've been up since 4:30, after having a restless night!
Still in pain, from yesterday...I'm trying to see if I can figure out the cause, but I just don't know. It could just be my body giving in to the effects of last week's chemo treatment. I've never gone through chemo treatments, before, so I can't say how my body's going to deal with it.
The pain I'm experiencing doesn't seem to go completely away, when I take my Ibuprofen, either....I still get the stabbing sensation, even though the steady pain is lower in intensity. And it's a different type of pain than the "elephant" I mentioned in a previous journal entry. It feels like cramps,or gas, or something like that!
But I guess I shouldn't complain too much...at least my nerve endings are working!! Praise God! LOL!! One thing's for sure....I will be taking a nap, today!
Still in pain, from yesterday...I'm trying to see if I can figure out the cause, but I just don't know. It could just be my body giving in to the effects of last week's chemo treatment. I've never gone through chemo treatments, before, so I can't say how my body's going to deal with it.
The pain I'm experiencing doesn't seem to go completely away, when I take my Ibuprofen, either....I still get the stabbing sensation, even though the steady pain is lower in intensity. And it's a different type of pain than the "elephant" I mentioned in a previous journal entry. It feels like cramps,or gas, or something like that!
But I guess I shouldn't complain too much...at least my nerve endings are working!! Praise God! LOL!! One thing's for sure....I will be taking a nap, today!
Good Morning!
Written Aug 16, 2012 5:51am
So sorry I didn't post anymore, yesterday...I was dealing with some issues that kept me from my journal.
I'm still dealing with that crampy, stabbing pain...and trying to figure out why it's happening. My sister asked if maybe it was being caused by my back brace, because the location of the pain is right where the brace rests on my hips....hhmmmmm....ok, so I'll ask the folks at the Cancer Center, today, and my Surgeon on the 28th.
I'm also dealing with some very unpleasant emotions, brought on by a situation that is well out of my control, but not so much with another. This person, whom I appointed as my Power of Attorney for Healthcare...has all of my things, including some very necessary documents that I've been asking for these past 6 weeks; and said person has yet to "find the time" to locate my documents among my belongings. Granted, this person has a house full of young kids, and a business to run (practically on their own!), and is also in college....but, even with that busy of a schedule, I would've brought those documents to someone, by now!
I'm so angry!!! And I'm beginning to feel like I'm not as important to this person as I once thought I was! These documents I'm asking for are my identification documents....namely, my social security card, birth certificate and photo ID. As long as I don't have them, I can't finish my paperwork for Medicaid or for Disability; and my bills are coming in!! I have also asked this person to return my laptop to me, which has been on loan to them since April, of this year...they were supposed to buy themselves a laptop with summer semester's student funds, so I could have mine back; fall semester starts at the end of this month, and I still don't have my laptop!
In my anger and hurt, I publicly posted a prayer to God, on Facebook, complaining about all of that and how it was making me feel...I let my emotions determine my actions, and ended up hurting a few people in the process. The resulting apology was also public. But I'm asking whoever's reading this....if you're one of the people who was hurt by that post, I do apologize; but, put yourself in MY shoes, and tell me you wouldn't feel the same way!! I know there are a few people who are sincerely trying their best to help me be reunited with my documents, and I'm sure having to go through the person who's holding things up is not pleasant....but think about this through MY perspective, just for a minute!
I've been diagnosed with a terminal illness (still hate that word!), I spent a whole month in two medical facilities, as a result of a serious surgical procedure to alleviate some of the difficulties that illness had caused. My life has been turned upside down, because I went from being totally independent, to having no other choice but to depend on someone for my daily needs! And the drugs I'm being given to end the life of this terminal illness might actually cause me MORE suffering!! This is a scary time for me, folks!!
Meanwhile...the person whom I elected to take care of my medical needs, if I'm not able to do so, has decided that I'm not worth their time, anymore. They're "too busy" to take the time to find my documents, and instead, have placed all of my belongings in the basement of their business....behind some other things. Remember....this is how I'm feeling...this is my take on the situation. So, yeah...you'll have to forgive me if I get a little rude, arrogant, or bratty about it; but, taking care of it should not have been THIS difficult!!
I digress....I've also noticed that all day yesterday, I was hungry at appropriate times, but had no desire to eat. I did eat...I just didn't want to! That's happened to me, at times, during my "normal" life, too. In fact, I've been up since 4:30am (it's 5:51am, as I explain this part), this morning...my tummy just rumbled, and I just don't feel like eating. Don't worry....I'll eat something! LOL!!
I have a chemo appointment, this afternoon. My sister cut my hair super short, last night, too...I'll have to post a picture of it, soon! We were told that hair loss is much easier to deal with, when the hair is shorter before it falls out. It's less traumatic, they say....we'll see! I should start losing my hair within the next 2 treatments.
I'll close this journal entry, here, and go find something to eat for breakfast. Thanks for letting me rant, earlier!! Stay tuned for further developments! LOL!!
Updates
Written Aug 16, 2012 5:54pm
Finally got my State ID and my social security card (yay!!)...still waiting for my birth certificate. I even got my laptop back, and my purse, too!!! (happy dance!)
Just got back from my chemo appointment...now I have to watch to see if I get any side effects. I didn't get hit too hard, last time, but this is the second treatment; I've been told that it may take a few treatments before I'll notice anything unpleasant. The dogs are sniffing me....I must smell different, since the treatment! LOL!!
Hungry!!! I haven't eaten much today, because I'm just not in the mood to eat....but my sister says she's going to cook some pork shops and broccoli for supper! Yummy!!!
I even had a nap, while I was hooked up for the treatment...so happy about that! I was beginning to feel sleep deprived! LOL!! Well, I'm gonna see if she needs help with supper....see ya, later!!
End of the Day
Written Aug 16, 2012 9:09pm
Super tired, so I'm gonna make this short....
My Oncologist gave me a Rx for my Tamoxifen ....and I can refill it 11 times!!! I'm gonna be on this pill for a while! LOL!! Makes me wonder how long I'll be taking chemo treatments! I think I'll ask, next time I go for a treatment!
Time for bed.....good night!
Good Morning!
Written Aug 17, 2012 9:09am
I've been up for a while...got up around 5am, after only 6 hours of sleep. But....they were 6 consecutive hours!! Yay! Yeah, I did say "good night" at 9pm, last night, but I didn't get to sleep until 11pm....and I'm feeling a little sleepy, at the moment.
It's Day 2 of the 2nd week of chemo treatments....feeling fine, other than a bit sleepy. Thank God the only side effect I seem to be experiencing is fatigue!! I did ask the Nurse at the Cancer Center, yesterday, about those red dots on my shins...she said it might be a reaction to the chemo, and to keep an eye on them; if they spread up my legs and to other parts of my body, she said to notify my Oncologist.
Breakfast, this morning was a peanut butter & jelly sandwich, Greek yogurt, and pink grapefruit juice...yummy!! I may have leftover supper, from last night, for lunch this afternoon....pork chops, broccoli and mac-n-cheese. Yummmmm!!
End of the Day
Written Aug 17, 2012 9:46pm
LOL! After 2 consecutive late nights, talking to my youngest daughter on the phone, I'm up past my 9pm "bed time" and she didn't call!
Lunch was as planned....pork chops, broccoli and mac-n-cheese leftovers from last night; and for supper, this evening, I had chicken, carrots and potatoes! Yummy!!
Haven't heard from my son in a while, so I sent him a message on Facebook. And, I'm missing my husband something fierce! We're separated, at this time....it's a long story, and I'm sure I'll share it, someday; I just don't feel like sharing, right now. I just wish he was here.
Since it is past my "bed time"....I should get to sleep. Still keeping an eye on my system, to see if I get any side effects from the chemo; it's only day 2, out from my second treatment. So far.....so good!
Lunch was as planned....pork chops, broccoli and mac-n-cheese leftovers from last night; and for supper, this evening, I had chicken, carrots and potatoes! Yummy!!
Haven't heard from my son in a while, so I sent him a message on Facebook. And, I'm missing my husband something fierce! We're separated, at this time....it's a long story, and I'm sure I'll share it, someday; I just don't feel like sharing, right now. I just wish he was here.
Since it is past my "bed time"....I should get to sleep. Still keeping an eye on my system, to see if I get any side effects from the chemo; it's only day 2, out from my second treatment. So far.....so good!
Good Morning!
Written Aug 18, 2012 6:42am
Totally blessed to see another day!! Although, this day is starting out rather oddly....both of my hands are itching, like crazy!! I have no idea why this is happening....but it is.
I had to take some Miralax, this morning....haven't gone in a few days. It'll be all good by this afternoon, though! I can pee just fine, on my own, but my bowels seem to need assistance....I think that system forgot how to function, after my surgery! LOL!!
Yesterday was a rather emotional day, for me....I'm missing my hubby, and all my kids. I keep in contact with my kids, through Facebook, but I miss seeing them. It was nice to have seen all three of them, when I was in the hospital....even though the circumstances weren't all that great.
I hope today is a better day!!
I had to take some Miralax, this morning....haven't gone in a few days. It'll be all good by this afternoon, though! I can pee just fine, on my own, but my bowels seem to need assistance....I think that system forgot how to function, after my surgery! LOL!!
Yesterday was a rather emotional day, for me....I'm missing my hubby, and all my kids. I keep in contact with my kids, through Facebook, but I miss seeing them. It was nice to have seen all three of them, when I was in the hospital....even though the circumstances weren't all that great.
I hope today is a better day!!
Noticing Myself
Written Aug 18, 2012 3:47pm
This is the second Saturday, that I've needed a nap....it happened last Saturday, too; and I seem to nap for about 3 - 3 1/2 hours. I have chemo on Thursdays....could it be fatigue? I didn't eat lunch, before my nap, this time....and in a little over 2 hours, we'll be having supper.
End of the Day
Written Aug 18, 2012 8:05pm
I ate a little bit around 4pm, and we had supper around 6pm....and even though I had a nap, I still feel worn out; so I'm thinking this must be the side effects of the chemo. I pray that this is the only side effect I have to endure! Just being tired, all day long, is no fun....I don't want to know what dealing with any other side effects, on top of this one, might feel like!
Have a wonderful evening....see you, tomorrow!
Have a wonderful evening....see you, tomorrow!
Just an Update
Written Aug 19, 2012 10:10am
When I began taking Tamoxifen, I was instructed on what the side effects might be....swollen feet and ankles (got it!), nausea (nope), fatigue (got it), hot flashes (not even one!), etc.
Hot flashes were pointed out repetitively, because this pill can cause menopausal symptoms...but I haven't had any, thank God!! They also stressed that I need to notify my Oncologist if I skip my period, for the same reason. I had one, while I was at the hospital, in July; and my wait is over! I started, this morning! Yay!!
Never in my life, as a woman, have I ever been happy to see my period happen; until now! LOL!! But, I know now, my body is not going menopausal...praise God!!
Hot flashes were pointed out repetitively, because this pill can cause menopausal symptoms...but I haven't had any, thank God!! They also stressed that I need to notify my Oncologist if I skip my period, for the same reason. I had one, while I was at the hospital, in July; and my wait is over! I started, this morning! Yay!!
Never in my life, as a woman, have I ever been happy to see my period happen; until now! LOL!! But, I know now, my body is not going menopausal...praise God!!
Late Start to the Day
Written Aug 20, 2012 8:29am
When I got up around 4am, this morning, I decided to go back to sleep for a little while, thinking I was only going to get another 2 hours.....I woke back up around 8am!
Fatigue is a wonderful thing! LOL!! (sometimes)
Fatigue is a wonderful thing! LOL!! (sometimes)
Good Morning!
Written Aug 21, 2012 7:30am
I didn't take a nap, yesterday, because I had slept in....but this morning is no fun, at all!
It seems that my body is still trying to form a normal sleep pattern. For the last couple days, I've enjoyed 7 consecutive hours of sleep....last night was a different story. I went to bed around 9:30pm, and only slept for 4 hours! I've been awake ever since.
I hope my body allows me a nap (or two) today! I could certainly use one!
It seems that my body is still trying to form a normal sleep pattern. For the last couple days, I've enjoyed 7 consecutive hours of sleep....last night was a different story. I went to bed around 9:30pm, and only slept for 4 hours! I've been awake ever since.
I hope my body allows me a nap (or two) today! I could certainly use one!
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That was the last journal entry...and to this day, my body is still trying to find its rhythm. I'm able to do almost everything I was able to do, before this all started, but I have a loooong way to go, before I'm back to normal. And, I may never be that level of normal, from what I'm being told.
There may be a new normal for me, in my future! And, I'm still dealing with emotional moments, from time to time. Sometimes, I don't even need a reason...I just start crying.
This is when I'm thankful that I have God in my life...when I'm feeling weak and vulnerable, I can get with Him, and hide from the world, and my own emotions.
And, I still don't have all my things from that person I mentioned, in my journal...but life (and all its business) is currently taking precedence, and this time...I'm ok with that! I'll get the rest of my things, when I'm meant to be reunited with them. It's all in God's hands
This is as bald as I got, while on chemo...and in the middle of winter, it wasn't really all that fun! LOL!
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| I never got my wig, but I had plenty of hats! |
And, this is me now....taken on my birthday (Feb. 27)!
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| This photo was taken with my new camera! My birthday present to myself! LOL! |
Thanks for letting me share this moment with you! Have a blessed day! oxoxox
I just love the way you express yourself so positively even when it's obvious that you're feeling low. You're an inspiration to us all!
ReplyDeleteThank you for those kind words, Suzan...I've always been an optimist, believing that there is a silver lining to every cloud! LOL!
DeleteI love that you took a picture on your birthday. A memento for you and also living proof of another year older! I've recently had a friend tell my son, "Remember, you have cancer... cancer doesn't have you!" You are the embodiment of this statement. It is obvious that you are seizing your life and never letting go! I love your spirit and zest for living! You truly ARE an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteI've always been the type of girl who sets out to prove someone wrong, when they say I can't do something! Breast cancer says I can't live a long and satisfying life....I say "Watch me!!"
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